beingthemother Archives - JAYANTHY'S FREE SPACE

Letters to My Daughter: You are way off your weight chart dear #MyFriendAlexa

Jayanthy Govindarajan — Tue, 18 Sep 2018 01:54:00 +0000

Dear Ilakkiya,

I had initially thought of writing monthly letters to you, but I couldn’t do it after your birthday. I was troubled with many things, most related to you. I feel so much better now and we are having a good time. So, I really thought you should know what happened and what has changed between us within these months.

In a post here, I mentioned about your weight gain issues. You are a bit off the mark from your birth weight. What this means is, you were 3 when you were born, so per the standard charts you are supposed to triple your weight on your first birthday. Actually you didn’t and I didn’t know why. I was bombarded with a thousand questions on why you hadn’t gained any. Personally, I had not much idea on where I went wrong. I sat and saw your photos over time and you looked hale and healthy just as you do now. I really had no idea where things went wrong. It took me time to realize why you hadn’t gained weight for close to 3 months straight.

A couple of mistakes had lead to your stagnant weight. I moved to Appa’s place when you were 5 months old. For the first two months, I was able to nurse you every two hours. However, as time went, I was asked to focus on the chores and cut down slowly on the feeding schedules since you had started solids. I thought that is how it worked and I hardly fed you thrice a day. Neither was I ready to give you cow’s milk which was strictly prohibited till age 1. So, now I realize that I had not compensated on your regular milk with other options and I was supposed to continue the feeds until 1. I am sorry to have missed out on a crucial time, but I am glad your Ammama was the first to notice and ask me about it. She literally fought with me and ensured I feed first and then focus on everything else. I fought back with her, but now I am glad she noticed and she was the only one to come and help. Others didn’t know much. It is feeding that brings the best in a child!

Secondly, there was one instance where a mild dosage of honey was given to you in the name of medicine. I came to know this late, but was immensely pissed off when I knew it. Honey is generally given in drops to a child before 1 because it could cause botulism. Half a teaspoon in the name of medicine causes more harm than good. I cried when I first heard it, but I couldn’t do anything about it because I came to know it late. I only explained to the concerned person on why honey is dangerous for kids before 1. From then on I personally prepared medicine for you and also learnt to bathe you to prevent any miscommunication and interventions. Also, I was asked not to give you Ragi because it would cause cold. I had to fight this off and started giving you the porridge.

As a mother, I am not questioned just by family and friends about your growth, but by most unknowns because I have a tiny child. Trust me, it is tough being a mother. I also had to go through some critical comments from so many people I personally thought were friends. I am glad I learnt about many through our tough time. People really thought I hardly fed you. I was almost put under the radar by some. After facing the drum, I made up my mind not to give heed to any comments and also not to ask anyone for suggestions anymore. I sat and researched on healthy foods for kids. I asked my mother and grandmother to help me with recipes. I pretended I knew what I was doing, even though it was a trial and error method for me. I brought ingredients and my mother in law offered to help. Finally, your porridge got ready and I made a few changes to your routine. Slowly, you started gaining weight. Throughout the struggle, your Appa was very understanding and patient with others for throwing their mind our way.

Image Courtesy: Google

Earlier I used to be bothered about your weight, I even used to yell at you to eat. You wouldn’t. You would just move around. It took me some time to understand that a child’s cognitive development is the most important factor over weight. Appa and I used to sit down and talk about this. He wasn’t a tad worried about your weight. He always asks me to let you be and ignore everyone’s comments. I felt even my mother was very critical about you and I gave her a piece of my mind. After which, she realized how it has to be said and that you were alright. Just like us you prefer to eat fruits over juice. That was the first sign of a healthy baby to him. We never gave much fruit juices to you. People would try and pull you to follow the norm, but sometimes you need to go with your own flow to accomplish what you set out for.

Babies gain weight. Sometimes it is a slow process. That is acceptable. I have stopped yelling at you. I am not making a fuss over your food anymore. I give you everything that is prepared at home for us. I am not trying hard to push it on to you. If you wave your hand to a No or shake your head sideways, I am okay to accept it as enough and not stuff more on to you. I have realized where to stop. This has helped you enjoy most foods now. Biriyani is your current favorite. You try to eat what you can. I am okay with breaking the meal time and meals. This helps me keep my calm and let you eat what you want. A hearty meal could be a spoonful or a plate full. I am okay with both now. You are still way off the chart, but I am okay with it. You are gaining and the doctors don’t see any problems with the slow weight gain either. They always ignored my weight queries. They just ask me if you are alert, active and happy. I say, “Yes Doc, she turns the house upside down!”

Love,
Amma

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To all new moms,

Don’t worry about infants being way off the chart. None of our parents or grandparents weighed us everyday and worried. Neither did they bother about every doctor visit like today. They provided good food and a happy environment. The rest followed. They were okay with the children being the children. That’s all we must bother about. Junk will help gain easy weight, but that isn’t going to help us in anyway. A little of everything is all they need. So let’s keep them happy and healthy!

People could make you feel terrible by sharing their children’s weight or grandchildren’s weight. That is okay. Just tell them every child is different and their growth spurts matter. If people don’t bother to listen and focus on the weight, well, that’s all they know folks! Leave it at that. Don’t waste a calorie more to explain. You need it to run behind your child! Let’s just be thankful that we have abundance to give our child. Let us remember the nations were parents are starving and their children are dying. This is enough to forget our doubts and be thankful.

Love,

A Mom!

I am excited to participate in #MyFriendAlexa Campaign by Blogchatter. I am taking my blogging to the next level! This is my Post 5 for the campaign!

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Get Online Help and Crack NEET in a Smarter Way

Jayanthy Govindarajan — Fri, 20 Jul 2018 16:30:00 +0000

I am an Engineer by choice. I have a lovely mix in my family. Two out of seven in our cousins gang are dentists and the third one did her Masters in Hospital Administration. The rest of us are Engineers. I love this mix because we have so much stories to share and we love to hear about the medical guys in our family. Luckily, the three of them did not have to undergo NEET entrance exams, but they are our go to when it comes to learning about the Pros and Cons of NEET and the field of Medicine. As a whole, I am lucky to have more than 20 cousins just on my paternal side and we all stayed together until my 10th standard i.e. 2002, that’s a decade and a half. I still remember playing doctor-patient game, enacting various soaps, playing hotel, playing train, playing cooking games, wrestling(I hate that) and tent games, yes, apart from the regular “Colour, Colour, What Colour do you choose?” and other hide and seek games.

Though I remember most of it as it is, it is those doctor-patient games that I was reminded of when I visited a friend recently. Her son and a couple of his friends from their apartment were playing with a Doctor set. I was very curious about it. They had so much detail than I ever knew. My friend’s son, let’s name him, Amith, sat down his other friend, Akash, and greeted him. Let me remind you, they are 7 years old. Their conversation got me curious. Well, when kids play don’t we all become their patients? So I am going to share just one patient details.

Amith: So, what brings you here, Akash?
Akash: A 103 Degree Temperature.
Amith: (Picks up the Stethoscope) Let me check. Are you able to breathe normally or due to feel heavy?
Akash: I feel very hot and tired.
Amith: Do you have a head-ache?
Akash: I do when I sneeze loudly.
Amith: I will prescribe you to take good rest for 3 days and 3 doses of 7ml Paracetamol drops for those 3 days.
Akash: I can’t take leave from work. How do you expect me to rest? Do you have any injection that could solve my problem in a day?
Amith: Yes, I do, but then it will make you take rest for 10 days. Okay?

I couldn’t stop laughing at this. They giggled themselves. Kids see and learn so much. I was amazed at the dosage he prescribed and also how he used the Stethoscope like a pro. After the giggles, they started a conversation with me. From why I laughed to what they want to become, we had a good chat for almost 15 minutes. Come on, that’s the longest I could talk with a kid or maybe, they could, with me. Both of them said, they wanted to become doctors and one wanted to specialize in Cardiology and the other in Gynaecology. At that age, I hardly knew what they meant, well, I didn’t know at all. I was surprised at the depth they knew. I asked them if they knew about NEET, the Medical entrance Exams. Their reply was cool and I felt they would fare well in the future. They said it must be something like the IIM entrance exams, and it must be fun to compete with so many people from all over India. I didn’t have a word. I guess by the time these children grow they would be well-prepared to face the NEET Exams, with so many options available online now. However, in the present situation it is a tough thing since parents are also equally worried as children are, about a change. Education will change for the best to make a person really knowledgeable.

Since children of this generation use technology like a pro, it will be super easy for them to study online. The future could be complete online education too. Isn’t tutoring over the Internet a huge success? We all love online education apps and NEET online Coaching classes is one such which helps candidates interested in Medicine to achieve their much promised goal. All we talk about is the cons of using the Internet, always. We must accept it has its benefits too. We learn so much too. Now culture has changed a lot. I prefer to sit in my study desk and write my blog or also do a course online. It’s the dedication that counts. Also, with the online chat and forums, the replies are instant. Aren’t our parents ready to allot a room and provide a calm environment for us to study? I guess that is enough to make parents happy. To tell that you are going to study and actually do it. Online learning actually simplifies our life. Let’s see how it helps.

It resolves travel issues and if you are living in traffic prone zones (almost every area falls into this category now) it is a saviour.
Cuts out unnecessary usage of phone and the tension to call and inform your whereabouts to family.
Saves a lot of money. Travel expenses, phone expenses, snack expenses are cut and you can also join any art class you are passionate about. Plus, you get some hot and fresh home food.
You still get to meet your pals and also make friends within the course you are part of.
Repeating recorded lectures will help you gain new insights on the same subject.
Making a routine for self to help focus better.

Some might be early birds and others night owls. Online education is apt for both of them. All that really matters is investing your time wisely by choosing quality education. Though children are very occupied with mobiles now, once we engage them towards what they are passionate about, they will find a balance and work towards their goal in a better way.

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5 Ways to Mould Children for Challenges in Life

Jayanthy Govindarajan — Wed, 18 Jul 2018 05:38:00 +0000

Children grow up quick. Though we plan their todays’, it is a must that we think about their tomorrows’ too. As my child grows, I am able to find out more about her and that helps me take better decisions. However, as a parent, it is more important that I let her make her choices. Around her eighth month, when my daughter literally put everything she found on the floor in her mouth, I was at my wits end. For a week or two, I pulled things from her and yelled at her. However, this left us upset. She continued crawling fast and putting more things into her mouth and also tried to hide what she took from the floor. I was left with no idea on what to do. When we were in our room together, she took up something to put into her mouth. Since I already lost in that game, I just looked at her and asked her to give it to me. She obliged. I was surprised. I wasn’t sure what I did right for her to obey. I thought about it. It was very simple. I just looked at her, respected her and requested her. I understood children know right from wrong. They just need moulding. They learn a lot from what they see. This was such an eye-opener for me.

From then, I started focussing on how my daughter responds to her surroundings. I learnt kids become what we mould them to be. It is how we groom their present that opens up a meaningful future and makes them a better individual. As a mother to a daughter and an aunt to a many nephews and nieces, I feel it is important to encourage children to focus on their challenging present since it opens up a beautiful future. When my friend became an IPS officer, I understood how sincerely she worked all through her life to become one. Her first step to success was her parents. They sincerely sat before her and explained about life as it is. Though it took her time to understand it, she said she realized what they meant during her IAS training.

My parents always encouraged us (my sister and I) and helped us build positive thoughts towards the Civil Services. My father wanted both of us to attempt Civil Service Exams and reminded us right through our college days. He believed we could make things better for people around us and choosing a challenging career would give us a challenging mindset and make us a better person. However, we had different thoughts then and we took up different fields. To our amazement, after almost 4 years now, my sister is preparing for her IAS examination. Though it is very difficult to succeed with a full time career, she has decided to enroll in an IAS Training Centre near our home. It’s the toughness that makes the Civil Services job very ideal for youngsters.

My daughter looks up to her aunt. As much as she loves playing with her aunt she also admires her summersaults, I feel they make a good team. That makes it one step easy to help my little one focus on the challenges in life. As a parent, I feel it is my responsibility to mould my daughter to take up challenges in her life joyfully. Choosing a challenging career has its own benefits and it is the best way to grow up. Imagine training your children for a challenging career, be it IAS, IPS or IFS, a pilot, a gymnast, an athlete or an Aeronautical Engineer. Every one of it requires so much dedication, how about it being the ideal training for our kids? Here are 5 benefits of moulding our kids to become a better person who can change our home and country and make it a better place. What does a Challenging career do?

1. It Brings Independence

Understanding that every choice we make affects us and also the people around us, makes a person sit and think about their choices. It is not about wise decisions alone, it is about good decisions that make things better for themselves and for others. Analysing the pros from cons and still having the courage to move on with their decision is a tough thing. Listening to others, but making our own decisions is the best part of an independent individual.

2. Power Brings Responsibility

A powerful career might look very appeasing on the outside. As much as power brings responsibility it also brings accountability in our lives. It is not about reporting to someone, it is about focussing on a larger good in our job. It is about the betterment of many lives. It is about making things better one place at a time. It is about seeing the change happen right in front of our eyes. It is seeing our country grow today setting a strong base towards good choices to many youngsters. It is about believing that doing good things is always worth it.

3. A Calm Mind and A Fit Body

A challenging career will make a person get into the depths of every subject before spilling out words. Isn’t reading the first success to become a great leader? When we understand, every little detail counts and every little thing makes a difference, we learn to appreciate them. This also brings more gratitude towards our life and our career. We would not fall prey to little annoyances and also learn to see people for who they are and what they really want. Working for the people of our country always yields greater satisfaction than anything. Health is the first goal and it is easier when set with a greater goal. Fitness falls into the list and becomes a daily habit and a way of life.

4. Learning from Failures

Not every decision we make is going to bring good, not every turn we take is going to be our destination. So, it is important to fail. It is more important to get back up and learn from our mistakes. Our mistakes teach us more than our successes. All our mistakes have always taught us one good lesson about ourselves and our lives. A challenging career would bring her lots of failures. Not everyone is going to shake their heads and accept to everything she says. So, she will learn much from her failures. She will learn to analyse about her strengths and weaknesses from her failures and change it. It is about becoming her own teacher. Correcting herself and moving on.

5. Humble and Kind

Mistakes make us humble. Helping others makes us kind. These are the ideal characteristics of a great leader. Though failures break us, it also opens us to many good things around us. A fuelled mind will always focus on learning from what is available. It is the first step to becoming a happy person and a successful person. Creating happiness is more important than depending on it. It is also about paving a better road for the generations to come.

I am glad to see parenting on a lighter note now. Earlier I used to stress about many things. Now, this has given me a clear vision on parenting and makes it an interesting path to tread on. Apart from the children, it also gives a grand vision and mission to parents. Let our children become great leaders who bring change in our country and make it our APJ’s pride as he always envisioned.

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