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How Gratitude has Changed the Anger in Me This October #GratitudeCircleBloghop

Jayanthy Govindarajan — Mon, 06 Nov 2017 14:17:00 +0000

October was a month full of lessons worth this whole year. I am glad to finally write the Gratitude Circle post hosted by Vidya Sury. Last month was a heavy dosage of a lot of things. Fever tops the list. Do read on to know more about the other things that happened and how I let go of anger!

The first week of October brought my first change for the season. I moved back to my mother-in-law’s place. The comforting 5-month period at Amma’s place is over. Even though I was a bit moody, it was gratitude that made me see it’s positive side. It wasn’t mere 3-months, but 5-months. Thankful because by the time I shifted here, my little one slept through most of the night.

How Comparison Can Let Frustrations Build Quickly:

The first two weeks at home was totally hectic. I wasn’t able to do much except chores followed by chores. I thought how relaxed I had been at Amma‘s place. Right after month 3, Amma made sure I handled Ilakkiya’s and my tasks. She made sure I started with the little ones like boiling water for myself and folding Ilakkiya’s clothes. At Amma’s place, I had Ammama (maternal grandmother), Appa and sister, doing the tasks for me. I had so much time, I used to read and write and at times when the little one sleeps, we used to even sit down and watch a full movie together.

At mother-in-law’s place, there were more chores to handle. I was fully occupied only with Ilakkiya’s and mine. For a start, I wasn’t really able to focus on cooking schedules. Forget the rest of home management. I complained so much this whole month. There were arguments and long silences. I felt annoyed most of the time, even though my family never expected much from me. I guess that was more frustrating for me. I felt incapable. Instead of accepting what I could do and let it be, I complained about what I couldn’t and blamed others for causing my frustration. With my little one around, I had set too many rules in the house which very clearly stated I didn’t trust anyone.

#Day31 #100DaysofPoetry #Complaint #yqbaba #time Follow my writings on @YourQuote.in #yourquote #quote #stories #qotd #quoteoftheday #wordporn #quotestagram #wordswag #wordsofwisdom #inspirationalquotes #writeaway #thoughts #poetry #instawriters #writersofinstagram #writersofig #writersofindia #igwriters #igwritersclub

A post shared by Jayanthy G (@jayanthygovindarajan) on Oct 3, 2017 at 6:27am PDT

The Fever Week!

The first person down with fever was my father-in-law. He was difficult to handle,but we were able to keep things going. Next, my mother-in-law was down. She became so weak that she couldn’t even get up from her bed. To see an active woman in a state like this made my heart bleed. For a moment, everything went blank to me. I had a crying baby on one side and a very sick mother-in-law on the other. I thankfully managed my baby easily, but don’t we all know strong women are very stubborn too? Yes, it took time for me to convince her to do a few things. I made up my mind to keep a check on the kitchen as well in the coming week. Next day morning I woke up with a 101.7° and my little one had over 100°. With hubby’s help we were recovering very slowly. I was lucky to have my sister-in-law and co-sister pitch in and help us. After just over 3-days my husband was down with fever. Thankfully I was able to get up and help in some way.

Did I Have A Meltdown that Changed My Anger?

I had spent so much time on bed that I had questioned myself about my frustrations. My husband was kind enough to sit and listen to my whole 2-hour talk about my fears and my insecurities of being a new mother. I told what worried me a lot and why it did. Somewhere in between, I also conveyed my sorry for aggravating him all three weeks. It was not easy for me. It was easy to accept my mistakes, but it wasn’t easy to let go of all that happened and my anger lingered for some more time. Throughout the conversation not even once he took the chance to blame me in all those weeks of frustration. He just told he understands what it is like in a joint family with a new born. That was enough to forgive and forget things that happened. I learnt my best lesson during fever and from the conversations initiated by my husband.

I am thankful for my mother-in-law who was kind enough and let me be. She took care of the cooking this whole month until we all were down with fever back to back. Thankful for my sister-in-law and co-sister for being kind enough to help us the next three days.

Every family has its share of troubles. What’s important is what we take to the next level? Most times it’s that one good deed at the most unexpected time that can change your opinion about a person. Be thankful for every moment.

Lessons Learned:

Never ever try to change anyone!
Comparison can be deadly. It can ruin the present happiness and build a frustrated mind before you know it.
Accept what could be done and also accept what cannot be done at this moment.

It is not that I didn’t know these lessons, but when we forget, incidents happen to remind us!

All along, I had writing to help me move forward. I took up the Write Tribe October Pro-blogger challenge and wrote bravely for all the prompts. A 9 post challenge which I enjoyed thoroughly with my sub-tribe. Thankful to Corinne and all my friends in the tribe. They had been very supportive during my fever and throughout the blogging challenge.

Last month, I missed sharing gratitude pie. Though I had written thankful moments in my diary, I missed the colorful gratitude pie I used to share with Upasna. November will see me working with colors again.

Planned a nice evening dinner for Hubby’s birthday, but eventually that was the day my mother-in-law got her fever. We just had a good chat and actually that felt better.

#happybirthdaysweetheart #hubbybirthday #thatguy????

A post shared by Jayanthy G (@jayanthygovindarajan) on Oct 26, 2017 at 6:33am PDT

Hubby and I decided to remove the bed as a precaution for the little one who rolls once in a while. However, we enjoy our room and love sleeping on the mattress on the floor. We love the cozy feel and feel our room is more spacious! Movie time has become more enjoyable.

My love for poems continue and I am slowly getting the vibes of poetry. I am liking what I am doing!

If I am thankful for one thing this month, it’s the fever. I realized many things during the full rest period. Sometimes it is breaks like these that shows what life is like.

On the whole, October is the birthday month of my loved one and one gift I can truly give him back is a thankful smile for giving me a nice family.

You can read my Gratitude post for September here!

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WTFOW5: Day #6: A Woman Has The Right To Say NO

Jayanthy Govindarajan — Sat, 16 Jul 2016 03:00:00 +0000

Image Source: Google

Lately, I have heard a couple of incidents where recently married couples have approached the court for divorce. I know what it means and how difficult it can get for the people involved. The first and foremost issue being forced marriage, yes this still happens, in educated families too(mostly). However, the second main reason is being unable to respond during pressure. Many Indian families, from what I understand South Indian parents use status as a key issue. The caste is hidden, but still the social status and peer respect plays a vital role in marriage.

On deeper investigation, it is blowing a simple family scenario, out of proportion by society (let’s call it neighbors, extended family, relatives, blah). They are not even aware of the pressure they are increasing the pressure on the woman who is willing to get married, but not to a particular alliance or at that moment. In the case of marriage, whatever the age of the woman is, it is the right of the woman to decide whom to marry, irrespective of the type of marriage.

Most of the men and women today fall into a common category of engineers and this is not even a primary category for marriage between two humans. However, this is mostly an unfortunate case, marrying other degree holders gives rise to status issues per elders, at least one sector of this kind still exists. Arguing about things like education is not going to change the degree.

Similarly, the salary of a guy outside a particular state (eg. Comparison of Karnataka and Tamil Nadu or Mumbai and Kolkata! (argh.. How stupid?)) would look higher for the age. But for god sake, that might be the normal standard in that state. Never compare the earning capacity of a man or woman with the annual income till date. We never know whether the person is enjoying their job or waiting to quit anytime without our knowledge.

Social Etiquettes (Drinking and Smoking), this gets personal. When a person says he/she is an occasional drinker/smoker, ask what are their occasions anyway? Indians have at least a festival a month, who knows the guy/girl, might drink during all these occasions. Till you get personal with the person do not trust this statement, and if you want a total teetotaller there are very few who exist, but I guarantee you will find one! J

If people around you throw tantrums to keep you quiet, just walk out of the place, but be stubborn with your decision. They are not going to live life after marriage. It’s you who is going to face the truth a little later than much before. Walking out a little late could have its consequences where the same people who threw tantrums and said you will change once you get married will be in the opposite bench waiting to trash you and say you should have made tantrums and stopped.

Remember, Everyone in this world needs breathing space to clear their head and make their very own life decisions and take responsibility for their very own decisions.

Last but not the least, rejecting a person’s profile for marriage does not mean rejecting the person itself, but in the most pressured moment, people might make you feel like you are the worst woman/man existing on this earth. But that’s fine. It’s better to cut the cord right there than have plenty of people cutting their cords with you a little later ruining everything you had always wanted.

This gives a stronger chance to believe yourself and trust your guts. And for those who have chosen to cut the cord after marriage, still understand that you are doing this only to eliminate further negativity brought up in the relationship and definitely not once rejecting the person for his/her abilities. This gives peace to move on without feeling guilty and to make better lives in different paths for both.

Belief in self rather than a crowd is a better option at any point in life. You have no idea when they will leave you alone or stamp you.

Appreciate any man or woman who says NO. It’s not a common word, but it’s a word to notice. Everything that really matters in a relationship is love, care and togetherness. Not a thing more. Some fights can make two people closer and two people to walk out quickly. That’s the difference.

Whatever happens some people stay together whereas some other choose to move out for the sake of peace of self.

Finally, all said,

Let go of the person you love

if they come back to you, then you belong together,

if they are running really far away from you, kindly let them go, they were never yours!

Join Us Here!

Thanks Write Tribe for this wonderful challenge. I miss that one more day of writing! Still, I enjoyed this challenge completely! 🙂

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