JAYANTHY'S FREE SPACE

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How Gratitude has Changed the Anger in Me This October #GratitudeCircleBloghop

October was a month full of lessons worth this whole year. I am glad to finally write the Gratitude Circle post hosted by Vidya Sury. Last month was a heavy dosage of a lot of things. Fever tops the list. Do read on to know more about the other things that happened and how I let go of anger!

The first week of October brought my first change for the season. I moved back to my mother-in-law’s place. The comforting 5-month period at Amma’s place is over. Even though I was a bit moody, it was gratitude that made me see it’s positive side. It wasn’t mere 3-months, but 5-months.  Thankful because by the time I shifted here, my little one slept through most of the night. 


How Comparison Can Let Frustrations Build Quickly:

The first two weeks at home was totally hectic. I wasn’t able to do much except chores followed by chores. I thought how relaxed I had been at Amma‘s place. Right after month 3, Amma made sure I handled Ilakkiya’s and my tasks. She made sure I started with the little ones like boiling water for myself and folding Ilakkiya’s clothes. At Amma’s place, I had Ammama (maternal grandmother), Appa and sister, doing the tasks for me. I had so much time, I used to read and write and at times when the little one sleeps, we used to even sit down and watch a full movie together.


At mother-in-law’s place, there were more chores to handle. I was fully occupied only with Ilakkiya’s and mine. For a start, I wasn’t really able to focus on cooking schedules. Forget the rest of home management. I complained so much this whole month. There were arguments and long silences. I felt annoyed most of the time, even though my family never expected much from me. I guess that was more frustrating for me. I felt incapable. Instead of accepting what I could do and let it be, I complained about what I couldn’t and blamed others for causing my frustration. With my little one around, I had set too many rules in the house which very clearly stated I didn’t trust anyone. 



The Fever Week!

The first person down with fever was my father-in-law. He was difficult to handle,but we were able to keep things going. Next, my mother-in-law was down. She became so weak that she couldn’t even get up from her bed. To see an active woman in a state like this made my heart bleed. For a moment, everything went blank to me. I had a crying baby on one side and a very sick mother-in-law on the other. I thankfully managed my baby easily, but don’t we all know strong women are very stubborn too? Yes, it took time for me to convince her to do a few things. I made up my mind to keep a check on the kitchen as well in the coming week. Next day morning I woke up with a 101.7ยฐ and my little one had over 100ยฐ. With hubby’s help we were recovering very slowly. I was lucky to have my sister-in-law and co-sister pitch in and help us. After just over 3-days my husband was down with fever. Thankfully I was able to get up and help in some way.

Did I Have A Meltdown that Changed My Anger?

I had spent so much time on bed that I had questioned myself about my frustrations. My husband was kind enough to sit and listen to my whole 2-hour talk about my fears and my insecurities of being a new mother. I told what worried me a lot and why it did. Somewhere in between, I also conveyed my sorry for aggravating him all three weeks. It was not easy for me. It was easy to accept my mistakes, but it wasn’t easy to let go of all that happened and my anger lingered for some more time. Throughout the conversation not even once he took the chance to blame me in all those weeks of frustration. He just told he understands what it is like in a joint family with a new born. That was enough to forgive and forget things that happened. I learnt my best lesson during fever and from the conversations initiated by my husband. 

I am thankful for my mother-in-law who was kind enough and let me be. She took care of the cooking this whole month until we all were down with fever back to back. Thankful for my sister-in-law and co-sister for being kind enough to help us the next three days. 

Every family has its share of troubles. What’s important is what we take to the next level? Most times it’s that one good deed at the most unexpected time that can change your opinion about a person. Be thankful for every moment. 

Lessons Learned:

  1. Never ever try to change anyone! 
  2. Comparison can be deadly. It can ruin the present happiness and build a frustrated mind before you know it.
  3. Accept what could be done and also accept what cannot be done at this moment.
It is not that I didn’t know these lessons, but when we forget, incidents happen to remind us!

All along, I had writing to help me move forward. I took up the Write Tribe October Pro-blogger challenge and wrote bravely for all the prompts. A 9 post challenge which I enjoyed thoroughly with my sub-tribe. Thankful to Corinne and all my friends in the tribe. They had been very supportive during my fever and throughout the blogging challenge.


Last month, I missed sharing gratitude pie. Though I had written thankful moments in my diary, I missed the colorful gratitude pie I used to share with Upasna. November will see me working with colors again. 

Planned a nice evening dinner for Hubby’s birthday, but eventually that was the day my mother-in-law got her fever. We just had a good chat and actually that felt better. 

A post shared by Jayanthy G (@jayanthygovindarajan) on

Hubby and I decided to remove the bed as a precaution for the little one who rolls once in a while. However, we enjoy our room and love sleeping on the mattress on the floor. We love the cozy feel and feel our room is more spacious! Movie time has become more enjoyable. 

My love for poems continue and I am slowly getting the vibes of poetry. I am liking what I am doing!

If I am thankful for one thing this month, it’s the fever. I realized many things during the full rest period. Sometimes it is breaks like these that shows what life is like.

On the whole, October is the birthday month of my loved one and one gift I can truly give him back is a thankful smile for giving me a nice family.




You can read my Gratitude post for September here!

Priya

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Vidya Sury
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What a beautiful post, Jayanthy! Looks like you've aced the worst of it with so much mental strength! Hugs! Ilakkiya is such a pretty name! How old is she now? Good move on that mattress on the floor. I agree it is fun, and a relief to think she won't roll off and hurt herself. Just today, my neighbor's 8-month-old calmly crawled out of their house while her grandmother ran towards the staircase to give the grandfather his lunchbox! Imagine the shock she got when she turned and found her happily smiling up at her! Whew! Yep, comparisons are the… Read more »

Vasantha Vivek
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That's so sweet, Jayanthy. You spoke your heart. I could well relate with your feelings and rants. This too shall pass. My love and hugs to your little angel. Happy November 2017 !!!

Jayanthy
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Thanks so much for dropping by Vidya. It is such a pleasure to just know that we are doing our best. To read it feels so good. She s now 5 and a half month old who is ready to jump on solids soon. These little ones just grow so quick.

Soumya
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Congrats and being a new mom Jayanthy and I wish you all the best in this new role of yours. I'm glad you wrote this post, it must be such a big burden off your head. Having family around sure is a big help and you are indeed blessed. Everything you have listed here is what I fear about being a mother someday, but I also know a fact that we I get to the bridge I will learn to cross it. You are doing really good, you should be proud of yourself. Illakiya is such a beautiful name and… Read more »

Jayanthy
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Thanks so much Vasantha. Means so much to me!! ๐Ÿ’“ Sending lots of love and hugs to you!

Jayanthy
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Thanks so much for dropping by Soumya! If I could, I am so sure you definitely will! She is my precious angel who changes my moods instantly with that no-tooth laughter! *Those baby smiles* I fall for it! ๐Ÿ˜‚