Lately, I have heard a couple of incidents where recently married couples have approached the court for divorce. I know what it means and how difficult it can get for the people involved. The first and foremost issue being forced marriage, yes this still happens, in educated families too(mostly). However, the second main reason is being unable to respond during pressure. Many Indian families, from what I understand South Indian parents use status as a key issue. The caste is hidden, but still the social status and peer respect plays a vital role in marriage.
On deeper investigation, it is blowing a simple family scenario, out of proportion by society (let’s call it neighbors, extended family, relatives, blah). They are not even aware of the pressure they are increasing the pressure on the woman who is willing to get married, but not to a particular alliance or at that moment. In the case of marriage, whatever the age of the woman is, it is the right of the woman to decide whom to marry, irrespective of the type of marriage.
Most of the men and women today fall into a common category of engineers and this is not even a primary category for marriage between two humans. However, this is mostly an unfortunate case, marrying other degree holders gives rise to status issues per elders, at least one sector of this kind still exists. Arguing about things like education is not going to change the degree.
Most of the men and women today fall into a common category of engineers and this is not even a primary category for marriage between two humans. However, this is mostly an unfortunate case, marrying other degree holders gives rise to status issues per elders, at least one sector of this kind still exists. Arguing about things like education is not going to change the degree.
Similarly, the salary of a guy outside a particular state (eg. Comparison of Karnataka and Tamil Nadu or Mumbai and Kolkata! (argh.. How stupid?)) would look higher for the age. But for god sake, that might be the normal standard in that state. Never compare the earning capacity of a man or woman with the annual income till date. We never know whether the person is enjoying their job or waiting to quit anytime without our knowledge.
Social Etiquettes (Drinking and Smoking), this gets personal. When a person says he/she is an occasional drinker/smoker, ask what are their occasions anyway? Indians have at least a festival a month, who knows the guy/girl, might drink during all these occasions. Till you get personal with the person do not trust this statement, and if you want a total teetotaller there are very few who exist, but I guarantee you will find one! J
If people around you throw tantrums to keep you quiet, just walk out of the place, but be stubborn with your decision. They are not going to live life after marriage. It’s you who is going to face the truth a little later than much before. Walking out a little late could have its consequences where the same people who threw tantrums and said you will change once you get married will be in the opposite bench waiting to trash you and say you should have made tantrums and stopped.
Remember, Everyone in this world needs breathing space to clear their head and make their very own life decisions and take responsibility for their very own decisions.
Last but not the least, rejecting a person’s profile for marriage does not mean rejecting the person itself, but in the most pressured moment, people might make you feel like you are the worst woman/man existing on this earth. But that’s fine. It’s better to cut the cord right there than have plenty of people cutting their cords with you a little later ruining everything you had always wanted.
Remember, Everyone in this world needs breathing space to clear their head and make their very own life decisions and take responsibility for their very own decisions.
Last but not the least, rejecting a person’s profile for marriage does not mean rejecting the person itself, but in the most pressured moment, people might make you feel like you are the worst woman/man existing on this earth. But that’s fine. It’s better to cut the cord right there than have plenty of people cutting their cords with you a little later ruining everything you had always wanted.
This gives a stronger chance to believe yourself and trust your guts. And for those who have chosen to cut the cord after marriage, still understand that you are doing this only to eliminate further negativity brought up in the relationship and definitely not once rejecting the person for his/her abilities. This gives peace to move on without feeling guilty and to make better lives in different paths for both.
Belief in self rather than a crowd is a better option at any point in life. You have no idea when they will leave you alone or stamp you.
Appreciate any man or woman who says NO. It’s not a common word, but it’s a word to notice. Everything that really matters in a relationship is love, care and togetherness. Not a thing more. Some fights can make two people closer and two people to walk out quickly. That’s the difference.
Whatever happens some people stay together whereas some other choose to move out for the sake of peace of self.
Finally, all said,
Let go of the person you love
if they come back to you, then you belong together,
if they are running really far away from you, kindly let them go, they were never yours!
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Thanks Write Tribe for this wonderful challenge. I miss that one more day of writing! Still, I enjoyed this challenge completely! 🙂
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Beautifully penned Jayanthi! Saying no isn't as easy as it seems, it is something every person must learn to do however hurt you might make the others feel. It is all for everyone's good in the end. Thanks for the support during the challenge, enjoyed your posts! 🙂
Nicely put. Though a lot of progress has been made, there are still a lot of prejudices when it comes to getting married in India. I love this post of yours for the way you brought this issue out.
Loved reading your view. Brilliantly expressed. I can't understand how parents can make their daughters go through so much pressure. It's terrible to think about the extent they can go to for the sake of status and reputation.
🙂
Thanks Dashy! Very well-said, it is a every day process for a woman to work on her rights!
It takes courage to say No….and those who have the good sense to understand that a no from a woman actually means no are very few….But things are changing and hopefully more and more people will give importance to the opinion of a woman….
The society set up is such that people react or do something keeping the society in mind. The parameter is never the right or wrong way; but, how they will be perceived or what the herd says. Hopefully things will change with time. Thoughtful post! 🙂
Thanks a lot Reema! 🙂
We have progressed so much in the mind that we have forgotten the heart! 🙂
Our grandparents are way different than our parents! 🙂 And definitely, there exists a generation gap that is slowly being filled with the coming generations!
Yes, Sunaina! It's changing for the good even though the change is very slow! 🙂
Perfectly put, Ruchira! I just can't identify whom we call society! 🙂