Aren’t you wondering why would someone ever sit down and discuss about untangling some random wind chime strings?

I can talk to you about it. This question actually came to me recently when I untangled the wind chime strings at home. Until then, it was merely a task I enjoyed. Maybe it’s just the focus and the flow that I enjoy when I detangle each string from the other. Or it could also be the fact that I am a confused soul who has lots of things going on in my mind and this helps me relax and see one thing at a time.

Approximately in the last twenty years, we’ve had almost 10 wind chime strings at home. Yes, most were gifts. If I remember right, my sister bought one from it. I love the serenity that surrounds as they chime against each other. It’s so calming at the same time it breaks some walls within me. Most times I am soothed easily by them that my ears and mind opens to their sweet sound when I visit places. Have you noticed the strings, the balls and other props used to make these? My sister was gifted one sometime in the last couple of years. It had an Eiffel tower and two giant balls and lovely bells. Not sure if the chaos within made it the sweetest sound or if it’s the sweetest I’ve heard in a while. I demanded it be close enough so I hear it as I sleep.

Much to my surprise, she tied it in a strong string inside the bedroom and right above the bed. I still remember the tune. The bad thing though is that my daughter was the first one to jumble this whole structure. Yes, you read that right. I never wanted to believe it. A 2.5 year old who is growing up everyday and I didn’t have the slightest idea she’d reach it by now. Tada, it happened within my reach and I couldn’t do anything but watch with shock (I don’t mouth wtf words anymore out loud, but wtf was on my mind). The grin on her face like she achieved something on her own was inevitable. Only I couldn’t explain to her that it is supposed to make that noise on it’s own and it does not need someone’s help to make it.

Forget it, I am there to detangle it! I looked at the tangled chime. I just couldn’t do anything there at that moment. Later, after days, I was upset about something and wanted to throw everything out. That’s when this tangled chime caught my eyes. I was chaotic and so was she.

Terribly tangled,

unable to enjoy the moment,

almost unable to perform her concert,

her purpose long gone.

I just sat and started to detangle the string one by one. It was like I spoke with my own struggles, those which lay underneath with no answers, to find again some of my own decisions left behind without knowing a way to go, to find the next step, just one step forward and closer to something I always wanted. These strings were nothing in comparison to what’s going on in my life, but they helped me see things differently. Just detangling from my own web of fear, discomfort, misfortune, guilt, to a place where I can just let my doubts settle down with time.

To detangle the strings and hear them wind chime strings again is like getting connected with some part of me I lost during a race to please/impress others. Finding myself is like finding an old memory covered in dust. You just don’t worry about the dust, the photo is more precious and still etched deep within you. Sometimes I think it is just some random strings attached to one another, connected by something equally weird and making some noises that cause annoyance. However, I cannot. It’s not the screechy noise that comes when we mix with a spoon in a stainless steel vessel. Phew, that’s horrific, though it’s a everyday noise. This is the sweetest of dreams that you’d like to remember.

I think once in a while why I never bought a wind chime if I like it so much. Maybe there was always one around or I never really felt I had a perfect place for it in the house. I’ve never made a place for it around too. It would hang in the living room for a while and then it would get entwined with the webs. That’s when I would notice it. I don’t want to have mine jumbled like this. So, someday I’ll buy it when I feel there’s a place for it. Until then, I’d do it with the ones we have.

Do you enjoy the wind chime tunes? Do you have one at home? What calms your mind?

Much Love Monday is a series I am hosting in my blog about how each of us look at Mondays. This will be hosted on the 3rd and 4th Monday in this blog. You can share your experience about your Monday or an experience worth sharing on Monday in your blog. You can add this badge to your post and comment here so we can follow each other’s posts.

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For a person like me, who gets annoyed at small things, mindfulness and gratitude might be the key. At least from what I have read about it and also felt when I am truly thankful. Parenting has opened a whole new level of stress for me. It isn’t really taking care of the little one, it is truly about handling the entire world of comments. I stress on this because I am a mother to a 15 month old and I am afraid that I am a bad mom. I yell once in a while at her for not eating and also raise my voice when she imitates other kids. At times, it makes me cry. It makes me wonder what kind of a mother I will become because kids will be kids and she is just a toddler. I want to be parenting in a positive way, but I am not sure if I am anywhere near it! Maybe my true reasons are shadowed in this. I want to find them in this journey.

I am afraid my yelling will continue and become worst in the coming stages of parenting. See, this is the scary part. I believe my thoughts. I overthink and also believe that I might not be a good parent. Overall, I am losing my self. At times when I sit down and think, I wonder where all the once-upon-a-time calmness is hidden in me. I miss my lighthearted moments. I miss how I care for myself. I miss how I care for all my people and things. Something somewhere has changed. Anyway, it is time to gather all the pieces and fix the puzzle.

So, I decided that mindfulness is the key to my confusion.

1. I am dead serious about my thoughts – A total time waster

This is one of the main reasons, I choose to practice mindfulness. I watch my thoughts and also believe them like that is something happening right in front of me. My thoughts are very creative. That makes it all the more interesting to view it. That can also simply be called day-dreaming. I am surprised that I quickly spend the little time I get for myself like this. I learnt to watch my thoughts, what I must learn is not to take them seriously. Maybe I must work towards saying, “Oh my dear, you are really taking a toll on my energy levels, so kindly keep it calm.”

2. At times, I suppress my emotions

If I am bored, I clearly state it and move out of there. That is who I was, I felt that was rude. Now, I am trying my best to hear out the other person before I make the move. I am trying to relate incidents and talk about it. Somehow this has helped me in less occasions. I wish I know how to politely deny bullshit without rolling my eyes. I can’t talk unless I have something to say. Similarly, I don’t like to hear repeated stories all the time along with too much self-praise. I switch legs for a start, then look at the time and finally just look clearly bored. At other times, when something I don’t like happens in front of me, I become speechless. I don’t clearly state that I don’t like what’s happening, instead I just become silent. I feel silence is golden and give the silent treatment.

When people understand then it’s okay, if not, I feel I get too hot to explain. I feel explanation is not required. I must learn to explain what I feel so that I first understand my own feelings. I share my thoughts in a better way through words. I think I must continue writing to keep myself in check. I always take time to communicate myself. I take time to communicate my feelings. I don’t really open up to everyone. I don’t really feel it is necessary to open up to everyone. I am not a follower of conviction and suddenly someone pushing me to follow it made me feel threatened. I realized I feel much better when I stay me and also make others feel better!

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3. I take things personally

This is very important for me. I hardly understand code words. Unless people tell things directly, I don’t really understand it. When people tell directly it takes me few minutes to come back to normal immediately. I am hurt quickly too because of it. So, I need to learn to respond to people in spite of comments and also stop sharing my own comments. Lots to learn especially when it comes to making peace with myself and the world. It is okay to not follow the norms. We don’t have to follow every norm there is to make everyone happy. People keep changing and so do the norms. I realized it is always better to stick to my own principles and clarify to the world that it is okay if they aren’t going to give me company for being me!

Image Courtesy 4. Worrying Kills Easily This is a mood changer. I wonder if I actually make a list to worry about everything and also revisit it. I worry so much. If we had a conversation about what I worry about, I think you will have fits of laughter and maybe I will also. Or maybe like Joey broke the happiest dog, I might actually tire you! Before I take great efforts to cut out our relations, I better cut down on the worrying. I realized I worry because I don’t want to take someone’s problem as mine in the name of helping them. I have enough on my platter already. Also, I stay at the sympathy instead of moving to empathy and giving  With many more reasons lining up behind these, my best bet would be to practice mindfulness. I know that would help me become a better person and help me slow down and see things as they are not as I want them to be. Do you want to practice being mindful? What are your thoughts on it? What mindful habits do you practice in your daily life? I am excited to participate in #MyFriendAlexa Campaign by Blogchatter. I am taking my blogging to the next level! This is my Post 4 for the campaign! Current Alexa Rank: 2,222,175 Indian Rank: 85000

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