My uncle’s death was very sudden and it still churns my stomach when I think about those moments. Though it still looks like it all happened just a year before, it is already 7 years. It changed a lot about my family. It changed my dad and made him insecure. Losing his cousin brother made him guilty, angry and sad. It’s only after death we feel deeply about the chances we missed. My father became very unapproachable and he was treading on fear that anything can happen anytime to anyone. Life by the end of 2012 was troublesome.

4 years after that, life slowly turned from being miserable to manageable. In December 2015, Chennai streets were flooded overnight due to ineffective planning. I still remember waking up to water everywhere. There was so much chaos everywhere, though that’s the moment we found peace as a family. That was the time we all sat down and spent time together. Those 4 days will be etched in my memory beautifully. We spoke a lot to each other and switched off the denial mode that surrounded us otherwise. We had a lovely little stray dog who had come a week before the floods and she became my companion. I call her my savior. She changed my life and made my father finally cry and gain the peace he had lost years before.

A lovely companion who kept me busy for 4 months after I quit my job. I looked after her day and night. I argued and even fought with anyone who wanted to send her to a pet house/shop. We named her Jhansi because she had a warrior look on her face. She was a warrior. She taught me to buck up and be brave. She looked fragile, but there was a strength in her that anyone can see. I have a detailed post about her here.If you wish to know about this darling, read the post. You will fall in love with her. I cried and cried with no strength left to bother about anything. I dwelled in silence and my parents understood and let me be.

I quit my job in January 2016 and spent full time with the pets at home. Also, this was the time my school dearie S and I became close. We spent so much time talking with each other and made so many plans that never worked out anyway. Still, we spoke a lot, whenever we had the chance. We created chances to talk. Maybe that’s how it works. I missed her dearly after training at Infosys, but failed to keep in touch. Here we were talking like there were no yesterday’s and no tomorrow’s. I didn’t want to miss any more time. I didn’t want anything to end, come on, we just started all over again. The thing is, we never know when anything actually ends.

We spoke about our lives. What went wrong for us, what is going good for us, what is keeping us strong, what is making us cry! She was such a strong soul. She was going through a storm, still one would never guess that if they talk with her. The heartiest woman I personally knew. I don’t think I am even 10% of what she was. I am not putting myself down, but openly accepting the fact that I have to learn to smile during adverse times. We all have demons inside us, but only some of us fight it everyday and fly high. She was that devil who woke up everyday and faced her illness bravely. Even a day before she passed away she laughed and conversed with someone dear to her. She longed for conversations that kept her going. We all do, right?

When I came to know that she passed away through my school group, just a week after our last conversation, I asked the girls to cross-check. I told them it was impossible that it’ll be her. What came back made me cry.

She suffered so much right before she died. She didn’t deserve a life like that. I know her. She needed the peace. She had had enough. Though I miss her, she needed that peace. Rest in Peace, my dear, for you will always be in my heart.

I realized when I saw a quote just before a couple of days. If there was something I could be to keep her with me, is stay cheerful always, for life is short, but it’s only you who can make it sweet.

If you have lost someone you hold dear, you will realize it is their kindness that made them special. Be that! Be Kind! I have a lot to show on that. I wish I have a more kind heart and the ability to understand without judging. This is what I wish for myself this year.

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The post Much Love Monday: April Heartaches and Acceptances appeared first on JAYANTHY'S FREE SPACE.

Personal time is something i’ve longed for right from my school days. No family, no friends, no strangers, none at all. Only me! All alone in a not-so-familiar place. Or maybe even in any one of the rooms in our house,if this is what i get. Never in my lifetime till my college days was I ever alone. People, people everywhere!!! But still I managed to convince my dad to join in a college that was 40 kms away from my house, so that i could spend the that time as a solitary traveller. I wasn’t imagining the best of things to happen in my bus, except for ragging,even that dint happen! 🙁

 But, I happened to find my soul sisters out there!!! And that’s the end of my i-will-try-to-be-silent-hereafter oath to my mom!!! 😀 Not a single day were we silent after that. There were situations where we’ve fought!! Those are the times we took to realize our mistakes. College bus was total fun. We 5 gals(J,Mal,Meens,Reje and Jay(Me)) enjoyed our travelling thoroughly.. These are the memories that will be cherished forever!! J’s favorite path used to be the avadi junction! All the greenary and the lovely curve of the roads!! The bustle on the roads were comparatively less as the annoying noise of the horns used to be from bus drivers doing it on purpose to overtake and irritate the other!! We did everything from playing name,place,animal and things and DumbC to drawing EG sheets in the bus to discussing some GD topics now and then!!! Huh, Missing those dayz!!! All our fights are also memorable, esp the one on J’s bday!! Sorry J! We had lotz a plans but everything was spoiled coz of our craziness!! 🙁

These memories keep re-iterating like some slogans in my mind when i moved to MCity(The place where i work).. Travelling 2 hrs to and fro with not a soul to talk to made me feel extremely lonely.. 3 out of 5 were placed in the same Organization! We became best of pals during our training days in Mysore! Finally came the posting, 2 of us(J and Me) in Chennai and the one gal,Mal in Pune. We had some hope as some of Mal’s pals were in Pune then. Whenever we spoke, one thing was very clear. We had other friends but nothing the same as our group. I found many ways to pass the time in the bus! (For almost a year, i dint sleep in the bus!!!). Used to watch the taking off and the landing of flights here @ Meenambakkam airport (I used to crane my neck to see it and I still love watching it!). I dint mind craning my neck to check out the flights, coz there was not a soul to bother me when i do that(fast asleep!! :D).. What more freedom can you get!!! We gals started “conferencing” to get rid off the annoying travelling time.. But not all of us were free and half our talks used to be amidst of interruptions!! So we used to msg each other but otherwise started spending the time on our own!! But that’s when i kept seeing so many things that I am not tired off til date!! When the bus is on top of the Meenambakkam bridge, I love watchin the amazing scene where the flight takes off and a train crosses the thrishool station jus on the road parallel to the airport!! The DLF, Olympia building, people crossing the road even when the cop shouts at them! Some cops bribing the Lorry drivers shamelessly, an old-couple walkin and talking near the k.k nagar park! Huh, in life atleast at some point of time we need to be alone to really learn certain things! Self-realization happens at that point!!! The travelling and the thinking continues!!!! 🙂

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Knock Knock!

Knock Knock

Damn it! I was 
It was a dream! (P.S: But I remember the guy!”:P)

Parents knocking!
 

Me: Will be there(Half dreaming)(What on earth was I dreaming about,let it be under the cover for sometime:P)

I opened the door. Yawning

Dad: Wake Up! We(he & mom) need to start its late! 

Me: (Confused) What happened? Is something wrong??

Dad patted me on the shoulder and said: hey! Did you forget?? One day tour!

Me: Oh yeah! Have a nice time! take care!

Dad: Thanks and you people get ready and leave to granny’s place..

Me: OK dad! Jus gimme a break! Its just 4! Will be there before 11Am

Dad: 11am? Kidding?? Be there at 9..

Me: (vexed) ok ya! Just told him this.. Waved Bye to parents! Locked door.. Switched off other room lights.Came to computer room. Switched on the system by 4.30am

Stretched myself to get some ooohs and aaahs!

Well it took some extra time to switch on. Checked my mail for new opps! Nothing! Like usual..

Started this post at 5.50

Trying google chrome! Just OK for me.. Typing as fast as I can(No mistake in my typing) Its this stupid system!

Every single time my system hangs, I do a work. I have folded my cot and my blankets, opened the door.. The milk is almost ready.. Great idea! It works out for most!:)

Its 7.. Still some work left to be done.. I am the chef today!    Only breakfast! Then too it is difficult to make my sis eat!

Breakfast:

Soup for 2

bread

Egg

Maximum Dosa!

Thats it!

Looks like a emergency breakfast! that’s k! I don’t wanna spend extra time in the kitchen cleaning. So a simple breakfast.

And friends I should say I will be out for the next two days! See all after two days! Take care!

Well!  Id Mubarak to all from me!

Jay!

(P.S: Post started time 5:50am published time:7:23am)

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