My uncle’s death was very sudden and it still churns my stomach when I think about those moments. Though it still looks like it all happened just a year before, it is already 7 years. It changed a lot about my family. It changed my dad and made him insecure. Losing his cousin brother made him guilty, angry and sad. It’s only after death we feel deeply about the chances we missed. My father became very unapproachable and he was treading on fear that anything can happen anytime to anyone. Life by the end of 2012 was troublesome.

4 years after that, life slowly turned from being miserable to manageable. In December 2015, Chennai streets were flooded overnight due to ineffective planning. I still remember waking up to water everywhere. There was so much chaos everywhere, though that’s the moment we found peace as a family. That was the time we all sat down and spent time together. Those 4 days will be etched in my memory beautifully. We spoke a lot to each other and switched off the denial mode that surrounded us otherwise. We had a lovely little stray dog who had come a week before the floods and she became my companion. I call her my savior. She changed my life and made my father finally cry and gain the peace he had lost years before.

A lovely companion who kept me busy for 4 months after I quit my job. I looked after her day and night. I argued and even fought with anyone who wanted to send her to a pet house/shop. We named her Jhansi because she had a warrior look on her face. She was a warrior. She taught me to buck up and be brave. She looked fragile, but there was a strength in her that anyone can see. I have a detailed post about her here.If you wish to know about this darling, read the post. You will fall in love with her. I cried and cried with no strength left to bother about anything. I dwelled in silence and my parents understood and let me be.

I quit my job in January 2016 and spent full time with the pets at home. Also, this was the time my school dearie S and I became close. We spent so much time talking with each other and made so many plans that never worked out anyway. Still, we spoke a lot, whenever we had the chance. We created chances to talk. Maybe that’s how it works. I missed her dearly after training at Infosys, but failed to keep in touch. Here we were talking like there were no yesterday’s and no tomorrow’s. I didn’t want to miss any more time. I didn’t want anything to end, come on, we just started all over again. The thing is, we never know when anything actually ends.

We spoke about our lives. What went wrong for us, what is going good for us, what is keeping us strong, what is making us cry! She was such a strong soul. She was going through a storm, still one would never guess that if they talk with her. The heartiest woman I personally knew. I don’t think I am even 10% of what she was. I am not putting myself down, but openly accepting the fact that I have to learn to smile during adverse times. We all have demons inside us, but only some of us fight it everyday and fly high. She was that devil who woke up everyday and faced her illness bravely. Even a day before she passed away she laughed and conversed with someone dear to her. She longed for conversations that kept her going. We all do, right?

When I came to know that she passed away through my school group, just a week after our last conversation, I asked the girls to cross-check. I told them it was impossible that it’ll be her. What came back made me cry.

She suffered so much right before she died. She didn’t deserve a life like that. I know her. She needed the peace. She had had enough. Though I miss her, she needed that peace. Rest in Peace, my dear, for you will always be in my heart.

I realized when I saw a quote just before a couple of days. If there was something I could be to keep her with me, is stay cheerful always, for life is short, but it’s only you who can make it sweet.

If you have lost someone you hold dear, you will realize it is their kindness that made them special. Be that! Be Kind! I have a lot to show on that. I wish I have a more kind heart and the ability to understand without judging. This is what I wish for myself this year.

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Nov 2015

The cute 3-month old Rajapalayam cross stray had found it’s way to our home. This is the second female pet that came from nowhere and loved our home. Somehow my mother and I found her to be so cute that we had no intentions of sending her to Blue Cross. However, my father, sister and grandmother weren’t ready to have another pet at home.

We were worried about sending her away. I knew my dad would require my help to take her back, so I thought I would convince him and made plans. That’s when the rains started in Chennai. We were heavily flooded after a decade. Somehow Joy looked upon her as his rival. He made sure she never entered the hall. She was such a sweetheart to accept her first cardboard box home and stayed quietly. She never bothered about the rain, nor did she whine and complain. She was totally at peace that she had found a home and she was being fed regularly.

She enjoyed the rains like us and walked up and down in the water 1000 times a day. Mind you, Joy doesn’t like water and cannot even be pushed into it by mistake. While this little one shivered our hearts ached and we gave her blankets and made another cardboard box home. Who do you think made the home this time??

My dad!

Yes, he totally loved her. He saw the strength this little one had and how playful she was. How much she loved all of us is something that makes me cry even now. Dad wanted to leave her at Blue Cross after the rains. My sister also loved this cutie and I became totally attached with her. She used to come with us when we walk to nearby shops or even to shops two streets away. She was the pet we always wanted. My sister loved her and slowly took our side. During the rains, my sister and I started finding names for this little one. We settled on 3 final names. Jhansi, Gypsy and Kutty.

December 2015

The way she faced the rains with pure courage made us choose Jhansi. She was our Queen Jhansi. As a family we decided to have her with us till the rains. That year  the rains were so severe that even Blue Cross had to renovate its own place. Many animals had to be saved and kept safe in make to do homes temporarily. Jhansi isn’t the quiet type. She is down right naughty.

The size of the dog never bothered her. She played with every dog in our street and it was like almost everyone were her friends. Every dog treated her as the little one and she used to push them down and play and trust me, those dogs obliged. One fine  she went to a neighbor’s house and mistakenly fell into the well. She was rescued after that Uncle heard her wails. My mother got a call from that Uncle asking her if the dog was theirs. Once she said yes, they had left her on the road and followed her. She came shivering and her eyes were so dull, but trust me she walked all the way home and without wailing she went to her bed. We were only glad she was safe. We let her sleep in her bed near our entrance. She had always wanted to come inside, but Joy never let her in.

I used to call her inside and her eyes would glow. She used to step in and there came the watchman who would bark like complaining to my mother. She used to go out and stayed in her bed. We used to have two plates and two bowls for each of them. However, Joy always ate what was kept for Jhansi and she did the same. We used to laugh at how these dogs behave even though it’s the same food in both plates. It used to be so much fun with both of them. Though they behaved like enemies in front of us, these two play together when they feel we aren’t watching. I wonder if Joy thinks we will leave him out if he becomes old or something. Is that why he doesn’t leave younger dogs in? It’s a question that’s on my mind then, but now I understood its plain domination. Like the first child in the home who isn’t sure what will happen if a second child comes, but understands later that love has grown and not lessened.

Many people were already eating our heads asking if we had neutered Jhansi. She was hardly 4 to 5 months. I sat down and researched about female dogs and understood that they like us must get their puberty to conceive. It usually happens after 7 months or so. Two people constantly tormented us about neutering the dog early. We were upset and gradually lessened our talks with them for this very reason. Jhansi survived two major incidents in her life. The rains and the rescue from the well. We were so glad.

January 2016

It all changed in the month of January. Jhansi usually roamed out, played with all, we had a tag for her so the Chennai Corporation guys didn’t take her like they usually do with the other street dogs. One fine day, when she wanted to go out, I managed to change her mind and kept her inside against her will. She managed to please me for sometime and then went and stood near the gate asking me to open it for her. I obliged. That’s the last I saw her. One of the neighbors (one of the two ladies I had told earlier) informed the corporation guys to take her away before we knew it. She informed us later that she had asked them to neuter her and leave her back here. The shock we went through was miserable. I was almost ready for a fight, but my mother insisted being silent. I was in complete rage and felt how humans can be so outrageous. If she had conceived she would deliver her pets at my place not at someone else’s, right? What’s  in for her, I thought! I waited for Jhansi to come back. I waited a whole week which turned into two before she came. I went to receive her.

February 2016

The bus had other dogs. I couldn’t see Jhansi first. The scared faces of the other two dogs scared me more. I wasn’t sure if Jhansi was in or not. When she got down, I was only glad she was back. However, she hardly jumped with joy, she felt cheated. I was heartbroken. I just hugged her and carried her back home. After a couple of days, I gave her a bath, but she wasn’t still convinced. She looked away and did not bother to come close to me. It was as if she was thinking something and felt bad about that thought.

March 2016

I couldn’t reach her like before. Her health declined. My family was equally worried about her health. Dad and I took her to the vet and asked about her condition. The vet said she had acquired Distemper from other unvaccinated pets at the corporation warehouse. This is contagious via inhalation. He  explained why he wouldn’t be able to save her. I was shocked to know this. I googled to know about Canine Distemper and tried my best to keep my mind out of counting her last days. It wasn’t easy. There was no way to save a dog less than a year old from canine distemper. I had seen every video available on YouTube about how the owners of pets had saved their pets from distemper. I fed her carrot juice, meat soups and everything I learnt about. Her eyes told it. Her nose and footpads became rough. These were some of the symptoms of Canine Distemper. The last stage is the worst.

April 2016

 I was not able to think about my wedding which was just 4 months away. I spent day and night with Jhansi. I wanted to save her. We requested her to come into our house. She never came. Slowly, her walks reduced. She fell frequently. Neurological problems started to show up. She managed not to pee on her bed until 3 days before her death. I used to carry her from wherever she fell. It was not disturbing for me to see her like this, but truly saddening. She loved me and I knew it from her eyes. I couldn’t see her go. I couldn’t let her die. There have been moments, I have pushed myself away from her because I couldn’t see her go. Some of my well-wishers said I might acquire this and it would become trouble during my marriage. I never bothered. I still regret not vaccinating her as soon as I found her. Instead I wasted my time in making the decision. Whether I want to adopt or not, the vaccine helps.

 15 April, 2016

My dad was the first to see her in the morning and he shed tears. He had planned the next steps too. When I woke up and saw him upset, I want to ask the obvious. I couldn’t stop crying. Ants covered her nose and it was the most obvious sign. She was lying peacefully. She had suffered a lot. One thing I am happy about is finding a burial ground for pets available near the place I live. My father took the initiative to take her safely wrapped in a blanket and he did the last rites for her before burying her. We still think about her and thank her for spending her time with us.

Pets bring out that hidden compassion in you! Adopt a pet and I will guarantee you that your life will become better and your priorities will definitely change. As a person, you will definitely become better.

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Many times when bad things happen, I ask God, “Why me?”
For the first time, I asked God, “Why me?” for a good thing.
I heard an answer that made me smile.

Usually, I am your last hope, but now you have surrendered to me before draining your energy in worry!

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I fret over many things. It doesn’t matter if it’s big or small. I spend too much time over it that I forget it has to be solved “in reality”. At times, the solution that I conceive in my mind makes me feel that I have already accomplished the task. The games mind play! I never used to ask for help even in the most needed times! I have faced some miserable experiences because of this!

My grandmother is my biggest inspiration when it comes to believing in a superior power that exists. Her faith shatters my fears. She lives her life as if God is her friend and he holds her safely in his palms. At 80, she is carefree and enjoys life like there is no tomorrow. 

She taught me to leave the problems as well as the credits to God and just live life with gratitude. I was eager, but I was not ready to leave my comfort zone for the struggle. Living mindfully is an unwritten rule to live by daily and there is no looking back once you start it. I had to accept my extreme laziness here and I was an awful procrastinator.  

I am slowly changing, but I see the change is happening for the better. Any problem, big or small, I just close my eyes and tell God, I need help. This has done me wonders than anything else. Finally, I don’t feel I am depending on someone for some thing, but I am glad I am talking to God and making life easy! 

God taught me one thing, Devotion is the ultimate aim to maintain that connection with the superior power! It could be anyway as long as we feel connected with God! We get from God and give to others. This feeling rules out the option of negativity in me! 🙂

How did you learn to receive?

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The Day’s Post:

I love pets, especially dogs. I have a very alert and super friendly 
mongrel. These are well-known traits of this breed. I am a sincere fan of adopting stray dogs over buying toy dogs. Whenever I have dog-conversations with “elite” dog owners, I get a sleazy look because I have a mongrel at home! Seriously, I don’t understand what bothers them that I own a country pet/ mongrel that I adopted from a neighbor nearby. 

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I love pets, especially dogs. I have a very alert and super friendly 

mongrel. These are well-known traits of this breed. I am a sincere fan of adopting stray dogs over buying toy dogs. Whenever I have dog-conversations with “elite” dog owners, I get a sleazy look because I have a mongrel at home! Seriously, I don’t understand what bothers them that I own a country pet/ mongrel that I adopted from a neighbour nearby. 

I have a mongrel who will be 5 this September. We adopted him when he was just 4 months old. My other pet was a Mongrel + Rajapalayam cross. She passed away when she was just 7 months old due to distemper. This incident has changed me a lot, over time. Many people consider barking street dogs as a disturbance. Nowadays, it is also becoming common to raise a complaint and be free of street dogs. One thing to remember here is that street dogs are “guardians of the street” if you know their value. Every street dog has it’s right to live where it wills.

To all those “elite” crowds who think possessing a dog worth Rs. 25,000 or more is a matter of status, I am sorry to say, you have got it entirely wrong. Most people complain about stray dogs barking in the streets and how disturbing it is.  Do you know what actually happens on the streets some nights? Do you even have the slightest idea of how street-smart these pets are?

My mother feeds 2 to 3 stray pets every day. They are such sweet loyal beings who protect us. I have noticed they are so protective of their owners that they don’t let any person with wrong intentions come closer. All this just for feeding them once a day. Let me say here, I have more enemies in the street because every time the corporation guys come to pick up the dogs, we ask them to leave them here because they belong to us.

I agree at times I am annoyed by the barking in the middle of the night. These are times I stand by the window and watch what’s happening on the road and why the dog is barking. Almost 3 out of 4 times, it’s due to suspicious behaviour in the street. When we learn to respect the dog, the dog’s barking is more helpful than disturbing.

We human beings live in a stressed world, I don’t like to call it a busy world. No person is too busy to stop and be kind to someone. A kind act is all it takes to make us real human. Help someone in need, that someone might be you, tomorrow!

Every dog is cute, it’s the owner that matters more when it comes to a dog’s behaviour! 🙂

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