Myfriendalexa Archives - JAYANTHY'S FREE SPACE

The Devil Next Door

Jayanthy Govindarajan — Thu, 20 Sep 2018 14:45:00 +0000

I don’t have to bear your chauvinism,
I take you as a challenge,
Everyday I learn what to ignore,
And break free to live a bit more!

A woman is not meant to cook all day,
Or clean and pop out babies just as you say,
You are not a man,
If you don’t know to respect a woman!

You shout to make us fear,
Expecting us to shed a tear,
So we will totally disappear,
And forget our dreams dear!

You have failed right there,
You just put me on first gear!
I am not willing to share a word,
To you who will think it is absurd.

I will never shed another tear,
Instead I will send above a prayer,
To save you from your cruel thoughts,
For a day will come when you realize what you lost!

You were a king of crafts,
You definitely had skill,
That does not mean,
You can demean everyone else.

You have your own fears,
Face them to find thyself,
Do not trouble another,
For you will never be respected ever!

Life is to enjoy,
Why are you keen on planning to destroy,
You will live in a void,
That you will not be able to avoid.

Cherish the moment,
What’s the pleasure in a bad comment?
Live and let live,
That way, We will thrive!

I am excited to participate in #MyFriendAlexa Campaign by Blogchatter. I am taking my blogging to the next level! This is my Post 6 for the campaign!
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Why I Must Practice Mindfulness

Jayanthy Govindarajan — Thu, 13 Sep 2018 15:49:00 +0000

I have read so much on mindfulness. It gives me a pleasant feeling when I read articles and posts related to it. I read so much yet I am worried about failure. I do it for a few days and once I fail, I lose hope and drop the idea. I am a short tempered person. I hardly follow schedules when it comes to personal routines. At times, I am inflexible. I stress over what isn’t accomplished. See I am complaining on the opening note of my post. Don’t think this is a random rant post. This isn’t. This is a post where I am seriously considering practicing mindfulness.

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For a person like me, who gets annoyed at small things, mindfulness and gratitude might be the key. At least from what I have read about it and also felt when I am truly thankful. Parenting has opened a whole new level of stress for me. It isn’t really taking care of the little one, it is truly about handling the entire world of comments. I stress on this because I am a mother to a 15 month old and I am afraid that I am a bad mom. I yell once in a while at her for not eating and also raise my voice when she imitates other kids. At times, it makes me cry. It makes me wonder what kind of a mother I will become because kids will be kids and she is just a toddler. I want to be parenting in a positive way, but I am not sure if I am anywhere near it! Maybe my true reasons are shadowed in this. I want to find them in this journey.

I am afraid my yelling will continue and become worst in the coming stages of parenting. See, this is the scary part. I believe my thoughts. I overthink and also believe that I might not be a good parent. Overall, I am losing my self. At times when I sit down and think, I wonder where all the once-upon-a-time calmness is hidden in me. I miss my lighthearted moments. I miss how I care for myself. I miss how I care for all my people and things. Something somewhere has changed. Anyway, it is time to gather all the pieces and fix the puzzle.

So, I decided that mindfulness is the key to my confusion.

1. I am dead serious about my thoughts – A total time waster

This is one of the main reasons, I choose to practice mindfulness. I watch my thoughts and also believe them like that is something happening right in front of me. My thoughts are very creative. That makes it all the more interesting to view it. That can also simply be called day-dreaming. I am surprised that I quickly spend the little time I get for myself like this. I learnt to watch my thoughts, what I must learn is not to take them seriously. Maybe I must work towards saying, “Oh my dear, you are really taking a toll on my energy levels, so kindly keep it calm.”

2. At times, I suppress my emotions

If I am bored, I clearly state it and move out of there. That is who I was, I felt that was rude. Now, I am trying my best to hear out the other person before I make the move. I am trying to relate incidents and talk about it. Somehow this has helped me in less occasions. I wish I know how to politely deny bullshit without rolling my eyes. I can’t talk unless I have something to say. Similarly, I don’t like to hear repeated stories all the time along with too much self-praise. I switch legs for a start, then look at the time and finally just look clearly bored. At other times, when something I don’t like happens in front of me, I become speechless. I don’t clearly state that I don’t like what’s happening, instead I just become silent. I feel silence is golden and give the silent treatment.

When people understand then it’s okay, if not, I feel I get too hot to explain. I feel explanation is not required. I must learn to explain what I feel so that I first understand my own feelings. I share my thoughts in a better way through words. I think I must continue writing to keep myself in check. I always take time to communicate myself. I take time to communicate my feelings. I don’t really open up to everyone. I don’t really feel it is necessary to open up to everyone. I am not a follower of conviction and suddenly someone pushing me to follow it made me feel threatened. I realized I feel much better when I stay me and also make others feel better!

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3. I take things personally

This is very important for me. I hardly understand code words. Unless people tell things directly, I don’t really understand it. When people tell directly it takes me few minutes to come back to normal immediately. I am hurt quickly too because of it. So, I need to learn to respond to people in spite of comments and also stop sharing my own comments. Lots to learn especially when it comes to making peace with myself and the world. It is okay to not follow the norms. We don’t have to follow every norm there is to make everyone happy. People keep changing and so do the norms. I realized it is always better to stick to my own principles and clarify to the world that it is okay if they aren’t going to give me company for being me!

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4. Worrying Kills Easily

This is a mood changer. I wonder if I actually make a list to worry about everything and also revisit it. I worry so much. If we had a conversation about what I worry about, I think you will have fits of laughter and maybe I will also. Or maybe like Joey broke the happiest dog, I might actually tire you! Before I take great efforts to cut out our relations, I better cut down on the worrying. I realized I worry because I don’t want to take someone’s problem as mine in the name of helping them. I have enough on my platter already. Also, I stay at the sympathy instead of moving to empathy and giving

With many more reasons lining up behind these, my best bet would be to practice mindfulness. I know that would help me become a better person and help me slow down and see things as they are not as I want them to be.

Do you want to practice being mindful? What are your thoughts on it?
What mindful habits do you practice in your daily life?

I am excited to participate in #MyFriendAlexa Campaign by Blogchatter. I am taking my blogging to the next level! This is my Post 4 for the campaign!

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Stereotyped! #MyfriendAlexa

Jayanthy Govindarajan — Sun, 09 Sep 2018 04:00:00 +0000

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I never really knew,

We had to cut through,

To know where we stand,

When it doesn’t even look very grand,

As a girl child,

I am always expected to reconcile.

Maybe I lived in a dream,

Without knowing everything was a scheme,

When I became a graduate,

I never knew I was a marriage bait,

When I started working,

I never knew it was just to save for my wedding!

I had dreams aplenty,

Until my twenties,

I rebelled for a long time,

I was treated like I committed a crime,

All that I need,

Is to dream again and sow the seeds.

I must admit,

That I was never unfit,

But made to feel that way,

So I will never have a say,

I am here to have a go at it,

And preach to others not to fall into that pit.

We the women,

Are here to stay,

Let our barriers break away,

It is our time anyway,

Let us teach our little girls to dream,

And believe they are always supreme.

Come what may,

We must stay

With our heads held high

And not one bit shy,

For who we are,

And take pride in coming so far.

We have every right,

To question with deep sight,

A shift that brings light,

And changes our plight,

To make our future bright,

Because we are our own knight!

I am excited to participate in #MyFriendAlexa Campaign by Blogchatter. I am taking my blogging to the next level!

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Letter to My Blog #MyFriendAlexa

Jayanthy Govindarajan — Wed, 05 Sep 2018 04:00:00 +0000

Hello My Dear Blog,

I will start with a Thank You! I owe you one and I haven’t said that in years to you! I am sorry about that! Thanks to #Blogchatter for reminding me to do so. You are such a wonderful listener and you have borne me for almost a decade now. I started out writing only as a means to earn some money, but you have helped me emerge as a blogger, writer and a better reader. You have reflected my mind in every single occasion. Right from expressing my confusions as a person to an evolving parent, you have helped me express myself much better than I do in in conversations.

I have opened up very little with people in person except for few close friends. It’s you who are helping me break my barriers one at a time and you are also helping me become a better person. I used to just rant around when I started you, but you are making me focus on my writing, on myself and everything around me. You have been an amazing platform to present my writing to the entire world, something that I never thought possible. Something I never knew was possible. Something I never believed was possible. You made it all come true. I cherish every moment I type and post something in this space.

I wasn’t very sure how it would be if I self-hosted this website. I am thinking deeply about it. I would love to give you a makeover and let you breathe a little easier. Would you love a makeover? I wish you do. I really didn’t have a strategy when I first created you.(Aw, I sound like a scientist). Well, I still don’t have a great strategy, but I have a vision for you. I am working on it. I share my poems, my two cents on parenting, relationship and gratitude here. Life is kind to me in many ways and you have helped me see that in every occasion. You have changed my views on almost everything and I am glad to have an opinion about everything I see. Though I am not good enough to present my points here clearly, I know I would do it soon.

If not for you, Life would have been miserable. I wouldn’t have found a friend who listened intently and patiently as you did. I would have succumbed to tough times and would have never found my way out of them. If not for you, I wouldn’t have seen the light at the end of the tunnel. If not for you, I would have just flared up at everyone and be a snarling dragon who spit fire everywhere. I would have just existed, not lived. I am thankful, grateful and blessed for your presence in my life. You have always been better than the best of everything I ever had and you help me cherish everything I have.

I love you! I love you to the moon and back! You are my bubbly blog and you will always hold a special place in my heart ever! I am truly, madly and deeply in love with you! Nothing can change my love for you, darling!

Hugs,
Bestie!

I am excited to participate in #MyFriendAlexa Campaign by Blogchatter. I am taking my blogging to the next level!

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You are You and I am Me! #MyFriendAlexa

Jayanthy Govindarajan — Sat, 01 Sep 2018 20:51:00 +0000

Recent incidents helped me reflect a lot about myself and my life in general. Life has a way of bringing excitements and adventures followed by disappointments and regrets. Some adventures make us restless whereas some disappointments show us an open door. At times, I don’t know which is a blessing – an adventure or a disappointment. I am still not the matured one to see the light at the end of the tunnel in everything that happens. Though I believe that everything happens for a reason, sometimes I need to sit down and reflect to find the reason.

Reflections happen everywhere. Not just when I sit still and meditate, though I do it very less. Not even the times when I sit down and decide to do nothing. It mostly happens when I sit to take a breath, but someone needs my help right away that moment. It is mostly when I call it a day, but someone calls me just to see if I slept so that they could have a “short” conversation. These are the times I wonder if I have a boundary set or am I standing in an unfenced area. My writing is the best time I take to reflect on my thoughts, my mind, my self, on the day’s happenings, or even about some incident that happened some time, some day. I would love to sit down and reflect more to understand myself and many of my actions or probably, inactions.

I even wonder if people can misuse a kind person. I realized it is very well possible. It is something that happens every now and then. If my kindness to you is a fault, then there is something wrong with your thinking. It has taken me years to understand this. I have built walls and so many defense mechanisms to shield myself from being hurt, but it hasn’t helped. It has made me rude and sarcastic, it hasn’t helped me become kinder in any way. When people blindly ask me to help them with something or if I see someone need it at that moment, I oblige. That is who I am. I don’t see if I like them or not, not at that instance, of course. I just do it. If you forget me after your help, I am not at fault, neither is my behavior. You are you and I am me! We are different and I would like to accept it as it is.

Lately, many things have angered me. I have some people who hate to see me do my work. And some more who want me to do everything they say without complaining or questioning them. And, a few more would be glad if I left my book down just to speak a useless, anger-triggering conversation with them. I realized people would always have a say in everything we do. Learning to ignore is an art that I must master and above all responding in an even tone is a skill, I must acquire.

Today was one such day where I spent half my day in silence on the outside. I just took a break. If you know me, you will know that I don’t consider shopping as a break, neither do I shop till I drop, (though occasionally I drop things). I had things to buy, but never made the time to visit. I really needed some air and I wanted some cheerful colors to calm my mind. One thing I am fond of shopping is stationery. I am not tired of purchasing them. Also, I bought beautiful skirts for Ilakkiya. I will update the photo in Insta soon. Otherwise, home stuff. Those two hours weren’t actually therapeutic, but it helped me focus on better things.

I also booked tickets for the 4 of us to Kolamaavu Kokila. If you are a fan of Nayantara or Yogi Babu,(thamizh movies like this encourage me to visit theatres) you will know I am going to spend 2 hours laughing tomorrow. That is therapeutic! Well, this will also be Ilakkiya’s first movie at the theatres. So, I am keeping my fingers crossed! Also, I figured I am the only one who must do my work irrespective of any delays! No one else will or can.

I am excited to participate in MyFriendAlexa Campaign by Blogchatter. This is my first season with them, I am excited and nervous about the journey this September with the entire team. I had a few questions, but the video answered them for me. Thanks for that Team Blogchatter.

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