self-improvement Archives - JAYANTHY'S FREE SPACE

Why I Must Practice Mindfulness

Jayanthy Govindarajan — Thu, 13 Sep 2018 15:49:00 +0000

I have read so much on mindfulness. It gives me a pleasant feeling when I read articles and posts related to it. I read so much yet I am worried about failure. I do it for a few days and once I fail, I lose hope and drop the idea. I am a short tempered person. I hardly follow schedules when it comes to personal routines. At times, I am inflexible. I stress over what isn’t accomplished. See I am complaining on the opening note of my post. Don’t think this is a random rant post. This isn’t. This is a post where I am seriously considering practicing mindfulness.

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For a person like me, who gets annoyed at small things, mindfulness and gratitude might be the key. At least from what I have read about it and also felt when I am truly thankful. Parenting has opened a whole new level of stress for me. It isn’t really taking care of the little one, it is truly about handling the entire world of comments. I stress on this because I am a mother to a 15 month old and I am afraid that I am a bad mom. I yell once in a while at her for not eating and also raise my voice when she imitates other kids. At times, it makes me cry. It makes me wonder what kind of a mother I will become because kids will be kids and she is just a toddler. I want to be parenting in a positive way, but I am not sure if I am anywhere near it! Maybe my true reasons are shadowed in this. I want to find them in this journey.

I am afraid my yelling will continue and become worst in the coming stages of parenting. See, this is the scary part. I believe my thoughts. I overthink and also believe that I might not be a good parent. Overall, I am losing my self. At times when I sit down and think, I wonder where all the once-upon-a-time calmness is hidden in me. I miss my lighthearted moments. I miss how I care for myself. I miss how I care for all my people and things. Something somewhere has changed. Anyway, it is time to gather all the pieces and fix the puzzle.

So, I decided that mindfulness is the key to my confusion.

1. I am dead serious about my thoughts – A total time waster

This is one of the main reasons, I choose to practice mindfulness. I watch my thoughts and also believe them like that is something happening right in front of me. My thoughts are very creative. That makes it all the more interesting to view it. That can also simply be called day-dreaming. I am surprised that I quickly spend the little time I get for myself like this. I learnt to watch my thoughts, what I must learn is not to take them seriously. Maybe I must work towards saying, “Oh my dear, you are really taking a toll on my energy levels, so kindly keep it calm.”

2. At times, I suppress my emotions

If I am bored, I clearly state it and move out of there. That is who I was, I felt that was rude. Now, I am trying my best to hear out the other person before I make the move. I am trying to relate incidents and talk about it. Somehow this has helped me in less occasions. I wish I know how to politely deny bullshit without rolling my eyes. I can’t talk unless I have something to say. Similarly, I don’t like to hear repeated stories all the time along with too much self-praise. I switch legs for a start, then look at the time and finally just look clearly bored. At other times, when something I don’t like happens in front of me, I become speechless. I don’t clearly state that I don’t like what’s happening, instead I just become silent. I feel silence is golden and give the silent treatment.

When people understand then it’s okay, if not, I feel I get too hot to explain. I feel explanation is not required. I must learn to explain what I feel so that I first understand my own feelings. I share my thoughts in a better way through words. I think I must continue writing to keep myself in check. I always take time to communicate myself. I take time to communicate my feelings. I don’t really open up to everyone. I don’t really feel it is necessary to open up to everyone. I am not a follower of conviction and suddenly someone pushing me to follow it made me feel threatened. I realized I feel much better when I stay me and also make others feel better!

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3. I take things personally

This is very important for me. I hardly understand code words. Unless people tell things directly, I don’t really understand it. When people tell directly it takes me few minutes to come back to normal immediately. I am hurt quickly too because of it. So, I need to learn to respond to people in spite of comments and also stop sharing my own comments. Lots to learn especially when it comes to making peace with myself and the world. It is okay to not follow the norms. We don’t have to follow every norm there is to make everyone happy. People keep changing and so do the norms. I realized it is always better to stick to my own principles and clarify to the world that it is okay if they aren’t going to give me company for being me!

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4. Worrying Kills Easily

This is a mood changer. I wonder if I actually make a list to worry about everything and also revisit it. I worry so much. If we had a conversation about what I worry about, I think you will have fits of laughter and maybe I will also. Or maybe like Joey broke the happiest dog, I might actually tire you! Before I take great efforts to cut out our relations, I better cut down on the worrying. I realized I worry because I don’t want to take someone’s problem as mine in the name of helping them. I have enough on my platter already. Also, I stay at the sympathy instead of moving to empathy and giving

With many more reasons lining up behind these, my best bet would be to practice mindfulness. I know that would help me become a better person and help me slow down and see things as they are not as I want them to be.

Do you want to practice being mindful? What are your thoughts on it?
What mindful habits do you practice in your daily life?

I am excited to participate in #MyFriendAlexa Campaign by Blogchatter. I am taking my blogging to the next level! This is my Post 4 for the campaign!

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What’s Your Word for 2018?

Jayanthy Govindarajan — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 04:02:00 +0000

Landed in 2018.

I am still surprised how this year started. I slept earlier than usual on the New Year’s Eve. Usually I stay up until midnight or much late into the night, wish everyone, visit the Ganesha temple near home and then sleep. I would wake up around 9 or 10 in the morning. However, this year, I was tired by 10.30 pm. I had traveled from Mom’s place to my MIL’s to celebrate here with all. I bid good night by 10 pm and before I knew it we were fast asleep.

You wondering what’s the word here?
That was how my New Year started. Early to bed, good sleep and a happy morning.
But, let’s see what my word is. Read ok.

I liked the idea of working with a word a whole year after reading a few bloggers. My New Year resolutions have never crossed the mid of January until now. I have even debated about Why Bother About New Year Resolutions when we can live life as it happens each day. Sometimes, many times, I have had days where I did not know what to do, but sit and browse all videos and related videos whole day. You know that never solved my dull days, it just made it more comfortable for me to sulk. When we don’t know what to do, imagine what I will watch? Friends, back to back and any series to keep me forget everything. I figured out I do that too much all of a sudden and wondered will I ever accept my fears and change.

That’s when the idea of a Word for a whole year looked convincing. My 365 days would be focused on one single word. I am not a consistent person and I am glad to accept it in my recent posts. I get bored very quickly. I understood that’s why my resolutions failed. I had to repeat the same thing all over and I never managed to entertain myself in the process. After reading posts, I sat down and thought about my word. There were few good and comforting words that popped immediately. I loved the comfort it gave me, but I wasn’t looking for just comfort, but change. So, I took a little more time to decide my word. And it’s here.

My Word Of The Year is SIMPLIFY.

Word Of The Year – 2018

WHY THIS WORD?

My room is my motivation for change. My husband and I live in a 10 x 10 room. We live with my in-laws. They had agreed to shift into this room and give us the master bedroom. We denied. We felt this room was cozy and cute for us. We had a nice time watching movies and chilling in our room. We had an issue with the bed in our room. I wasn’t convinced about the bed and suggested it be removed. I was pregnant and I was told, I will need the bed very much. I wasn’t convinced that time either, but left it at that. Now, with the baby, I feel my room is the smallest and over-crowded. It lead to some arguments which brought no change. I started feeling uncomfortable and suffocating and was worried if the baby will also start feeling the same, if this continues.

My feelings were chaotic and so was my room. When Hubby came from office, he was annoyed at how the room looked. Simply put, it was a mess. Even I never felt I wanted to sleep there, I didn’t take the baby inside. He is a OCD guy and that looked like hell on earth. ?? I politely suggested we remove the bed. He agreed. When we removed it, he couldn’t believe the space we got. We planned on a keeping it simple, but it never happened. This was the ideal time. I am glad about the change. Agreeing to chaos brings change.

When I decided this as my WOTY, I was happy and I could see how aligned it is to my life. Bringing back the coziness of the room with some rearrangements which we love is one of the basic things for a daily living. I have given away most of the things from my room and I have a shelf in my cupboard empty.

WHAT’S IN THIS WORD FOR ME THIS YEAR?

MY THOUGHTS:

When it comes to my thoughts, I definitely think too much. I don’t like too much emotional baggage. I cry when I feel like it and complaint when I feel like it too. That’s one of the reasons I never took my complaining seriously. I felt it had value when I did, but over the years, it has become a habit. I knew it had to end somewhere. I argue when I am supposed to be silent and let it go. I couldn’t really figure out the difference between talking and arguing. I need to SILENCE THE MIND.

DE-CLUTTERING

I don’t buy a lot. Then you think why I think of it. I will tell you my problem. I am gifted/given many things that I don’t need. Out of sheer respect, I keep them. That’s the main reason for my shelves getting cluttered quick. I have almost 10 new purses and I hardly use three of it. Tell me what I must do with the rest? I am still thinking and I guess I will post about these too in the upcoming posts. GIVEAWAY is the best idea. To people who really need one of them. It isn’t just about a purse. It is about getting back to basics.

ITS ALL IN THE MIND

My days start as early as 8 or 9 in the morning. Okay, don’t quit reading, early birds. I know what you are thinking! I realized 1/4th of my day is already gone and I couldn’t really accomplish what I want to do in a day. Everything was delayed. Slowly, but steadily, I will join THE 6 AM CLUB this year. I love what I can accomplish when I wake up early. I feel it is also the best time to write down my posts.

MY BODY DEFINES MY WELL-BEING:

Now that I wake early, the silence of the house is appealing. My little one has her dad lying down like a rock next to her and that helps me put on my earphones and listen to some RELAXING MUSIC while I do MY BREATHING AND STRETCHING to prepare myself for the day ahead. I feel so much better with these basic routine for a start.

MAKE TIME FOR ART

There are a few things I love to do, Doodling and Cooking. I hardly make time for them, I have changed my social media schedule because this year, I am all in the “DOING“. I love the time I spend on Instagram, but I am planning scheduling time for it too.

CLEAN 365

I have this project for my home and self improvement. I clear out one thing a day and 365 things go out of my house this year. Updates will come by in posts.

LISTEN and SILENT

The two keywords that will make me a better person this year. I know there are many voices in my head. I am also used to certain conversations and people in my life even before they talk, I know what they are going to talk about again. I choose to LISTEN to new ideas and remain TRAIN MY MIND to say NO when needed. I am working on politely denying being the dump bin to a few who carry too much emotional baggage.

I would love to know yours!

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If Not for Compassion…

Jayanthy Govindarajan — Mon, 25 Sep 2017 13:19:00 +0000

There have been days when being compassionate did not make sense to me. I have complained all day, restlessly! It just made me feel much better for that moment, like in heaven, like all my problems just dissolved.

Again, when something else happened, I would complain endlessly and get back to that comfort zone. My mom has been the only person who took it all and let me be. Gradually, my mom became my solace because she said exactly what I needed at that moment and that gave me peace. There were times she reminded me about letting go and doing what I must, I hardly listened.

At times, she would just stare me in the face and say “Enough is Enough”. I hardly understood and took her as my target. There have been many times she has faced my deep agony in spite of her busy schedules. I have then felt miserable and have told her that she is not being there for me.

This continued for a while. I was slowly building a wall and venting it to myself Seeing this, my mother sat me down and spoke with me. She asked me to explain what troubled me.

I hissed like a snake! I told her that I was perfectly fine. It’s she who had problems listening. My mother, the brave-heart that she is, did not mind the comments then. She had set her mind to talk to me, to listen. It took me a while to open up, with the fear of being abandoned again. However, I chose to say.

I said I felt miserable about everything that happened around me. In general, I did not like life much. She just asked me once, “What if I had complained about the same thing for almost two weeks? Would you have listened?”

I immediately replied, “Mad or What? If it troubles you so much just resolve it and move on or just let it go. Maybe you just didn’t do anything with your life yet!” My mother just smiled because she never expected such a quick answer from me even in so much agony. Neither did she term me selfish. She just said, “Here you go!”

When she explained why she listened to me initially, that question on my mind for so long was answered. She really thought something troubled me, but when she realized I was using her as a dump bin, she just shut me down after many warnings which I clearly did not see.

My mom just told me one thing! Forget the world, forget even us, Start with yourself. Be Compassionate. I am not expecting anything else from you! I couldn’t make much of it at that moment, but I knew it brought some kind of peace that made me silent for quite sometime.

It took me many months to realize what it meant! One fine morning, when my mother was helplessly looking at her mobile, I asked her what had happened! She wasn’t sure how WhatsApp worked, but if she knew she could use it well for her business. I just took it as my chance to help her with that rather than make her feel annoyed that she did not know it.

She taught me compassion, I learnt it that day as I sat near her. I took the time to explain how it works in such a detailed mode that she asked me doubts without hesitation!

#Life is after all those little moments that change the way we look at everything within us!

Linking post for #QuotedStories with Upasna!

Post for #MyFriendAlexa

#MondayMusings on Corinne’s Blog

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WritingWednesdays: See the Change In You!

Jayanthy Govindarajan — Sun, 24 Jul 2016 09:57:00 +0000

#WritingWednesdays for #WriteTribe

Image Source: Google

A recent incident made me understand this quote in a better way!

As I walked back from a nearby grocer’s shop, I saw a man parking his car a little before my house. He reversed the car and parked it right in front of my house. I knocked the door like a warning and went forward and told him to park it in the parking space just a few meters behind.

The reply came immediately. “I will move the car after I finish the work at the xerox shop. It would not take me even a few minutes.”

I replied, “I am waiting for a bike to come now. Please move it!” My reply wasn’t strong though!

His another excuse was,”Just a little time! Very less indeed!”

The frustration in my expressions was visible now. I just told, “What’s the use of keeping a board outside? Don’t you guys ever read?”

The kid next to him looked at me and I didn’t want to create a scene there.

I just walked in without waiting to listen to any other words.

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I was thinking about this incident in the evening when I was preparing for CSE exams. I asked myself,

Why were my words not effective in this particular incident?

I was not ready to tell him the harsh truth. I controlled myself from exploding even though I knew what I was about to tell was right.

What were the words I really wanted to say?

I really wanted to say,

“Sir, Do you see the board,”No Parking in front of the gate?” It’s there for a reason“

“Move it back, You are setting a bad example for your kid without being aware of it.”

“Why are you giving an excuse when all you need to do is move the car back by just 20 meters”

“Sir, All you need to do is listen to what I am saying first before giving your excuse!”

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I realized the change I need to see in me. I have just started my preparation for one of the toughest examinations in India, but I love the first impact it has stirred in me.

There is one famous dialogue that I remember at this moment,

“Bad guys aren’t worried about doing mistakes, but good people worry so much to face the fury after doing good deeds.”

Image Source: Google

Till date, I only regret the moments where I have oppressed my thoughts and feelings. Not once do I regret the moments where I have been open and clear about my choices even if I was the only one who believed it.

Finally, Isn’t standing up for myself and my beliefs is the first change that Gandhi had mentioned in that quote in a beautiful way?

This quote confirmed my belief!

Image Source: Google

What’s the change that you are willing to see in you?

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