When I made up my mind to write about the challenges I lost this year, I really wanted to see how lost I felt this year. However, what happened last week while finding my Santa at BAR changed my feeling. I realized that I hardly see things happening right in front of me. I live in a world of my own. That’s the reason for more chaos within me than I could relate to. It gave me a calm that I never had this year even after choosing it as the word for 2019. I think the best suited word for 2019 would have been SURVIVE.
At the beginning of this year, I was excited about all the projects I had planned for the year. I never accepted the obvious facts that were staring at my face. Yes, that’s me. Always want to accomplish a lot, don’t want to say NO, to others as well as to myself, but don’t know how to keep it going. I couldn’t digest the fact that my days are not the busiest with my own things anymore. I try to manage the fact that I’m a mother to a sweetheart who is growing up so fast everyday and that the time I spend with her is equally important, but that feeling that there is something missing has been constant. I understood so much about myself this year, especially where I falter.
So, to close the missing pieces, I chose some projects that would keep me entertained and busy. What I didn’t see then was, how my days were already full though it travelled slowly.
I could have simply put failed, no I am not scared about the word failure at all, not now. It’s just that I lost the purpose of doing all these after a while. I’m sure I’ll take this up again sometime in the coming years. So, here’s the 5 challenges that I couldn’t successfully complete this year.
1. A Haiku A Day
I had planned 365 haikus. However, I finished only 20 haikus and couldn’t come up with another haiku at all for a while. At times I wrote 10 in a day, and at others, I couldn’t even write a line. No it wasn’t writer’s block, I wasn’t able to go with the flow at all. What I enjoyed the most was writing those 20 haikus. I figured I liked it even more, even though I didn’t acomplish my challenge. I felt like a failure for months, but slowly I realized that I will definitely pick up this project again after a few years. That relaxed me. You can read my Haiku here.
2. Weekly Gratitude Post
Inspired by Sanch, I was all set to do it this year. I wrote for 7 weeks and then couldn’t feel it at all. I found it interesting to write, but I also found it was time consuming for me and I didn’t have the time to sit down and write. I had to manage the house in and out, a full-time mother, a personal assistant and a longing wife in a long distance relationship with zero time for myself. It could look like I’m complaining, no, I am just stating the fact that I was glad to see the blessings while I wrote the post. After two months, I really lost the purpose of gratitude and didn’t find much to write and didn’t want to write it for the sake of it.
3. WriteTribe Reading Challenge
24 books in a year seemed like a fair enough task to start with this year. What was I thinking? I really thought it would be my pleasure to sit and read when my daughter took a nap. Well, I forgot the fact that she is not 5 months anymore. She scribbled a lot and started her new exercise of tearing pages. No, I don’t like it at all. And my Kindle became her book, I don’t know why.
I was on track till February and I really thought I’ll complete the challenge this year. When I started Big Magic in April, I completed it in a month’s time I think. I didn’t rush it, I felt in synch with it and I liked the pace. I managed 13 books this year and I am happy, but I feel sorry for not completing the challenge again this year. My reading goal next year would be 12-14 I think.? Anything beyond that is an achievement.
4. Yell Free Parenting
There are times I didn’t yell at my daughter for two days straight. That’s the highest I’ve scored this year. I’ve had frustrating moments as a single parent this year. I couldn’t be there for her everywhere. So, I’ve noticed myself feeling infuriated mainly because I couldn’t be there always and when I was there was yelling for things she did and she didn’t too. The best part of the challenge is now my daughter questions me on why I shout at her? I’m not going to lie, but I felt shattered at times, but I actually took the time to explain things to her. The last few months (read 4) has been so much better than before. I let her be. I’m learning Parenting and compassion. Above all, I’m learning to let things be. She has started to ask questions and I feel better answering them.
5. Almost every other challenge in SM too
I must say I hardly completed any challenge I took on Social Media too. I couldn’t complete the 90 day challenge with Shy, the mindful break with Shinjini, to name a few.
How do I feel?
I actually felt miserable before I planned to write this down. I also wrote a draft on my laptop and my laptop stopped working after that. Somehow this year in itself was a big challenge for me. When I didn’t find out my BAR Santa, it all came to me. It wasn’t the wake up call or anything, it was simple and I couldn’t even figure that sweet Santa who sent me a lovely gift. I figured I missed things that I could see right in front of me. So, when I had to take time to live my unhurried life and also enjoy the mad rush of my child growing, I only saw the missing parts, but not the blessings in it. Each one’s life is different and cannot be compared at all.
The Social Media break, the time away from my phone, the time with my little one, family and friends and my small venture in retail has given me something to feel happy about. Still, there is major cleansing happening within me. I’d be happy to continue learning the art of letting go, the art of going with the flow and above all taking the time to breathe before I talk.
Is there any challenge you couldn’t complete this year?
My next post will be about the 5 tasks I enjoyed this year. Will meet you soon.