Oh, don’t worry, this isn’t a letter to May. It’s just that I started writing letters this month, I am so tuned to it, I started my gratitude post that way. I am definitely thankful for the letters I wrote this month on my blog. I am delighted I poured my heart out in them and glad many of you loved it. Thanks to all, Yes, I am yet to reply to each comment, I will definitely do it soon.
Since May 1st was “Labor Day” and hubby had a holiday, we went to a relative’s place. Ilakkiya had a nice time with her cousins. She takes her time with people and I appreciate it. It is her first time with a few of them, but she got along with them after sometime. It is important to me because it tells me she loves playing with other kids and I must make an effort to frequently let her do it. Kids must play with other kids. They learn a lot especially to share with people, to know that we always have enough. Thiagu and I enjoyed the evening and our conversations went late into the night. We hardly spend time with each other especially since the new year begun. He is busy travelling and I am busy handling the home and the jobs related to it. So this is a very special moment this month and also a lovely start to the month. I really thought this month we will spend time together and there came his travel plans within a week. As I write this, he is still away and will return after my birthday!
I traveled to Mom’s the next day. I love the time I spend there especially when my parents, my grandmother, uncle, Aunt and my sister are there to take care of Ilakkiya. That gives me so much time for myself. I love it. I am a mother, but not like in a recent advertisement I saw. I must say I was worried where the advertising is leading us to. A mother survives on biscuits and plays with her kiddo all day. I mean like, what? (I don’t want to use curse words, this is gratitude post, no?) I am a mother who needs her food, like a full meal (or whatever is on the menu for the day) before I take the time to play maybe till she sleeps. Okay, in short, I love my time for myself and I get much of it there. My family takes turns to play with Ilakkiya and I don’t really watch over them. The idea of parenting in advertising must really be redefined.
It is almost a year and a half now since I got my periods. First, the pregnancy and then the delivery. I was lucky enough to get it only after a year since my delivery. It actually feels new now since I am more apprehensive than ever because of the changes I want to make. I have ordered Saathi pads for a start. Even after reading some articles and watching a few videos, my idea of a menstrual cup still bothers me. I am willing to take the time till the idea sinks in well.
I wrote in my journal for most of the month. I am happy about it. I read the entries and since this was a very busy month, I enjoyed reading them. Though the May gratitude post is up late, I am thankful I am writing this now. I usually sit and write my gratitude posts when I am down or when I am truly grateful. Only in these situations, I see the abundance I am blessed with. Living a mindful life is a very long process and for a mother who feeds her daughter for most of her day, it is necessary. Ilakkiya is a fussy eater in the mornings. She drags the whole process by an extra hour. In the noon, it is still an hour, but I feel better since my expectations are lesser. Evenings and nights are the best. Neither do I have expectations nor do I have any idea of wasting my energy yelling at her to eat. Babies are best teachers. They teach us not to have any expectation. I cannot repeat recipes for her. If it’s Dosa for the morning, I better keep a kitchidi the next morning. The good thing about this kiddo is that I am learning new recipes and I am left with no choice, but to plan ahead for a backup food.
I loved writing
every one of my blog posts this month. I loved the letter
and I am glad it was welcomed very well by all of you. I am so happy about it. I enjoyed writing every word in it. I wrote a poem
to all women. It was something for me first. Something I felt I needed when I was looked down upon. During the middle of the month, as a family we had to deal with a relative’s loss. It was shocking and we all felt shattered. Some losses change our whole idea of life. I wrote a poem
for him because he was such a nice person and we truly miss him. I understood what Maya Angelou meant. It just anchored deep within.
Though Thiagu and I had simple plans for Ilakkiya’s first birthday
, our minds were not in it. We cancelled our plans, but the elders wanted it for the kiddos. Since my parents and Thiagu’s were eager and Ilakkiya’s cousins were planning since long, we had to go their way. Sometimes it is best to let things happen even if you aren’t feeling great about it. They make good memories too. While I browsed through the photos, I realized they helped us move on a bit. To be more thankful for keeping us alive and for so much love from all for our little one and for us. Life is in itself a celebration.
Thiagu’s travel this time has changed a lot of things. I see how dependent his parents are and how old they have become. I see how my own parents are slowly moving to that stage. These things are helping me learn to prioritize my time and my tasks a little better. After all, it’s until the 50’s we have the best time in our lives. If we maintain a healthy lifestyle, that is! The 60’s and beyond will be a blessing, if we have people who still care for us. Sometimes when elders are angry and shout, I am not able to be angry for long. I understand it is their inability to do something that makes them feel bitter. My grandmother who is in her 80’s is the best example. She is the best when her grandchildren(my sister and I) are with her. They love to laugh, talk and joke about everything silly, just like the little ones. As we grow up, we lose the ability to sit down and laugh at silly things. As we become old, we have so much time to laugh again at silly things though they are hardly treated that way. I am learning not to be angry with elders. It is tougher than I imagined it to be. I take everything personal when it comes to elders. That has left me thinking too much in certain circumstances. Now, things are changing. I just try to smile or I just keep a straight face and keep things simple. After all, my word is Simplify and it is helping me a great deal.
I faced a few disappointments this month. I felt very bad and I even ignored. I am also learning to deal with disappointments. It makes me cry, but at least I know that I must change my focus. I choose to see the good side even when there isn’t a bright side to the situation. At times, I just choose to remain silent when I can’t find any reasons to convince myself of why things happen. Silence is golden and it is better than spilling out unconvincing words.
I also learnt that some people will focus on the bad whatever we do. There are very few people who focus on the good and encourage us. If you have them by your side, you definitely have a treasure, just learn to cherish it. I have already spoken about Ilakkiya’s weight not meeting the scales. A couple of friends really helped, with two others we laughed about the scales. We joked about ourselves being “underweight” until we actually conceived. True, that! As a mother, the scales bother me. As an individual, I am more concerned about her activities, her development and her growth month wise. Not every kid is the same, some are fussy eaters and some eat well. When people come and tell me that my child isn’t even walking at 1, I just want to punch them on the face. Actually, if they had told this to me at month 5, I would have been very anxious. She is just 1 now and it surprises me that I have already received so many comments and criticisms for not being a “great mother”. Anyway, I am learning to keep my anger in check, because I know I have to deal with this for a lifetime. First, I have a daughter and the questions that come up makes me raise my eyebrows. Secondly, at the age of 60, my parents still deal with “Why they must be bothered because they don’t have a son?”. Anyway, I have learnt to ignore this and my sister and I are teaching our parents to ignore it too.
I did not touch my kindle. I really hope it is safe in the cupboard. Actually I did not even see it. Thankfully, I remembered that I must charge it after I finish writing this one. I read
a book this month. That is all that I managed. I read The Perils of Being Moderately Famous
by Soha Ali Khan. I felt
|It made me see how the rich live. It is more of a royal thing. I liked her travelogue. I loved reading a lot about Pataudi, I liked what I read about him. Somehow I felt, he is famous for a reason – simplicity. The stars have a lifestyle and she honestly accepts that she wants to maintain that lifestyle. When too rich, an individual must do things to know where they stand to prove to themselves. That’s what Soha did. She wrote a book and proved to herself that she is who she is.|
May showed me life as it is. A lot of mixed emotions all through the month. It has brought out a great feeling, the power of me. I am learning about myself. I am learning about what I can already handle and what I must learn to handle, also what I am not willing to handle. I know this is a long post, but truly this month is very close to my heart.
Thanks a lot May.
Welcoming June with so much warmth. It’s my birthday month! 🙂
How was your May?
I know you guys would have already moved on with other posts. Anyway, here I come to know more about your May from your Gratitude posts.