It’s been such a long time even I am surprised why I did not make the time to write something here. For one reason, thankfully life has been busy and somewhat smooth so far. There has always been something to do that I was exhausted by the end of the day to sit and type something in this space. It’s true that I did not make the time to write often here. I’m still learning how to make time to do the things I love.
If there’s one post that I missed writing here, it’s gratitude for the good and learning to be humble during the rest of the moments. There’s always a mixture of both, but my focus is shifting towards accepting both as it is. This is more to record the moments here to cherish when I read later. There’s a lot to share for all the missed times this year.
As I grow older, I’ve only realized that time flies by fairly quick when you mind your own business. That’s exactly what I’ve been learning to do and will continue to do so. It’s a charm that helps me feel less restricted and more responsible for myself.
I’ve missed writing and reading, but managed to follow very few blogs during this period. I’ve subscribed to 2 newsletters that’s motivating and manage to read them once a month. Those have always provoked me to write, but I’ve done very little in taking care of myself that I am now working to improve.
I’d like to start my gratitude list with the fact that I’ve turned 35 this month. I must agree that I am thankful and grateful for all that I’ve seen so far in life. Mainly, the good, the bad and the ugly that I’ve done. To say that life has been kind to me is an understatement, but it’s true. As I turned 35, I’ve forgiven myself for a few mistakes I have done to myself and to others. That let me breathe better.
Finally, a trip to home
I was hyper excited that I did not sleep during the whole flight for a total 24 hours straight. I was on a tremendous high, but then slept like a log for I don’t know how long. Loved the heat finally touching my skin. The heat warmed me, it never burned my skin.
It took me about 3 days to get back to the normal sleep routine. Within 2 days, my daughter was already exhausted by the heat and had a running temperature of 103 which stayed for a night. I was worried sick, but she was really brave.
My daughter turned 5 last month and we had a good time in Chennai. She managed to cut 3 cakes on 3 days for all the time she missed, away from her grandparents. These are the little pleasures that she gets when she’s around them. The way they absolutely adore her, well, it’s nice only when it happens once in a year.
This is our first trip together to home and back here. The three week trip that we managed after the almost two and a half years made me feel that the wait was all worth it. Lakki couldn’t bear coming back. She still misses her friends and her little cousins. I am glad that my daughter loves the company of our elders as well as little ones.
School is a blessing here, otherwise I would have felt guilty to bring her back here. Thankful for her teachers, her classmates, and some friends in the community, the cheeky British summer and cycling for making her move on here.
The other day her friend A and she were busy arguing about how many people were missing them and who missed them the most. Their list started from grandparents to aunts and uncles and went down to the smallest members in the family. I couldn’t hide my smile, but still felt sad in a way about life has changed in a short while.
I am not here to discuss if I made the right move to continue in the UK, but I’ve realized that our life is here for a few more years. My grandmother’s generation just moved streets, my mother’s generation moved cities, but now I have to move countries. It all comes down to peace, than places. If I have to move to a different country to find that little peace within, so be it.
2020, 2021 and 2022
I have missed a lot of events during this 2 year period, but also realized an important note. All keeps going whether you’re there or not. Our presence in them makes our life better.
I missed my sister’s wedding in 2020. When we finally met, my nephew was already 8 months old. This was the first online wedding in our family. I was on a call with my cousin sisters enjoying the moments happening on the telly. We called one of our cousins and watching them go around to give the phone to my sister on the TV was an entirely different feeling. Not sure if I will call it eerie, but definitely our hearts were there.
Just a month before my sister’s wedding my grandmother fell and broke her hip. I really wanted to go and discussed this to my husband. I was so broken, how will she manage, what will happen to her? Resilience is the word, she said she will never give up on herself. After a surgery and placing plates and nuts, with complete support and immense help from my aunt, she has started to walk with the support of her walker. Her independence is one of my lessons for life.
My parents were tested positive early last year while I was writing my final Montessori examinations. I couldn’t focus much because my sister was pregnant and most of my father’s family was positive and couldn’t come by to help. Thanks to my brother-in-law and my sister who managed to handle the situation in a smarter way than I did.
For the People in my Life
Niece and Nephews: The pride of being an aunt to these charming kiddos puts me on cloud nine. Just looking at their videos and photos for so long and now seeing them right before me, I really did not know what to do. I just admired them, I couldn’t ask for more.
School: While India was on online learning, we managed to send our children to school here. It was one of the hardest decisions to make as she was only 3years and 4 months old. Not many cheered up to the option of us having to send her to school, but as parents we had to think of her safety as well as her emotional wellbeing as a child. I wanted her to spend time with her peer. We were called selfish for choosing to send her to school amidst chaos, that hurt, but as parents we did the right thing for her. That’s still making me feel happy.
My Daughter: How she has changed with the help of school especially after moving to a different country surprises me. From learning to get along with kids to understanding an entirely new language, the journey has been nothing less than an adventure for her. If I’m brave today, it’s because of learning so much from my daughter. From trick or treating with a smirk to visiting parks, cycling, dancing and swimming, I’m glad she has got the opportunity to explore now. All this is only possible because we are here. Period.
The Love of my Life: If this relationship has survived for so long it is because of honest conversations and being there for each other . We’ve had tough times and loads of arguments and nothing but interference, nevertheless, it has all brought us to a better place. I’m glad we are each other’s support system.
Work: There was a time when I wondered if I could ever get to this place. I have managed to fulfil this wish. I wanted to wait until my daughter started her full-time school, it was tough. Right after she settled in, I cleared an interview and from then on, I am a content person. It is both about the financial freedom and the ability to do what I have always loved.
Family: If not for my people, I would have not pushed my boundaries harder. My grandmother’s constant support and love has kept me going. My aunts and sisters always talked me through taking a job sooner. They’ve been kind and supportive. My parents have gone through a lot because of me, the least I could give them is some peace of mind, definitely not a piece of my mind.
Friends: What would I do without them? My set of non-judgemental people. I managed to visit some, but couldn’t visit a few. Irrespective of that, they’ve been in touch. Even though I haven’t texted many, it was like we met yesterday and resumed conversation. That’s the best part.
Travel: The happiness it brings is slowly piquing my interest to travel. There’s a joy that the roads bring, and I am learning to cherish it. I’m not a great poser, but I wouldn’t miss a picturesque view.
Reading: If reading children books is considered, then I am on top gear. I’ve read one a week for two years now because of my little one. Children books are so creative and calming, that I sleep before the story ends. I’ve managed to read some quick reads early this year, but for the second half it might be slow, because I am settling at work.
Health: I miscarried and everything went downhill from there for almost 3 months. I am still recovering, but I am so much better than I was before 6 months. I am on recovery mode, but I am thankful for my body to have survived this, because I almost thought that I was done. Though very less medical support was offered, I had immense support from my family. My husband was strained, but never complained, because he saw what I was going through.
Mental Health: Absolute nightmare, but recovering slowly. I am learning that ignorance is bliss and it’s absolutely fine to ignore harsh comments that come your way. I am not trying to act like something never happened, instead, I am tired of the number of times people pull it up because they don’t know what else they could talk about.
It took me a week to get this post up. I’m only happy that I managed to write this. Writing keeps me sane. How did your year go? I’d like to know.