My Dad Loves Me, That’s All that Matters!

ProjectTGB – This is my smallest way of showing gratitude to the people in my life. These people have made my life relevant in many ways. In fact, their presence has made my life entertaining and purposeful.

That first man is our childhood hero, then becomes the bad guy, and then a friend from there – DAD. If I am too emotional, outgoing, half gutsy in sharing honest feedback, it is because of my father. I have hated my father for being rudely honest. At one point in time, I realize I was too much of that myself.

I have hardly had a proper conversation with my father for many years. I have been sensitive to his words and they often brought hurt. There were many times I have been angry on him for not trusting me. It took me many years to understand how a trusting parent behaves.

My Dad Loves Me

In the past 5 years, I have learned that he trusted me a lot more than I knew, even though I broke his trust not once, but two times! There has not been a day where I have not complained about my father to many people.

In the past, when someone says that my father is an amazing person, I used to murmur, oh yeah, you think! A lot of my friends admire my father, whereas I have always seen him as a military officer who had a stone for a heart.

As a kid, I was a crybaby. I used to cry for almost everything. Most times, my father only had one name for me, metro tank. Yes, I pour and pour like a rain. I did not learn to handle my emotions for a very long time, just like my dad.

When we had a storm of a problem at home, I saw a different version of my father for the first time in 26 years. This man who looked like a coconut shell on the outside, had a sweetness and a softness within him. Like many Indian Fathers, my dad loved us with a deeper sense than he is capable of showing to us. He is very bad at expressing emotions, adults hardly express it.

I realized he never liked seeing me cry. Though he called me a metro tank, he was constantly learning in his own way to talk to us in a better way. Being a Leo, his honesty was cruising through me like a knife when I make mistakes. I have tried a lot of ways to impress my father, but I have felt I have failed miserable. Still, my Dad loves me, that’s all that matters!

The first time he cried for me, I realized how much my dad loves me! At that moment, I made up my mind to finally listen to him. I started seeing how much he has changed, but how I never changed my perspective of him.

My husband taught me to respond politely with my parents, he showed me they cared more than most parents. He told me to look for what they’re trying to say, to delve into the depth of their intentions over their words.

I cannot hold back time, so

It’s time to show him that I love him. My dad loves me, but I love him too, with all my heart!

Now, I make up for lost time. I share just about anything with him that my mother is feeling left out! I talk about so many things, about life in general. It is a huge surprise for me that I regret not spending more time with him before. It is truly because I did not trust myself enough to open up with him. Now, when I talk about stories from 15-20 years back, his memories and mine are very different.

I noticed that when he shares little moments that he liked, it is not the ones that I thought he would like. It was nice to see his view and my memories of the same stuff are very different. I like to see his perspective as a parent and understand it better today as a parent to a girl child.

As a teenager, I was a silent sufferer, but now I am able to share my view with him even if he doesn’t approve of some. I have overcome the fear of not being approved by him. He also chooses to listen to me, before he starts finding out the flaws in my approach.

I have understood that he has always listened to me, but wanted me to stand up for myself with more determination. He has expected me to bounce back at him and disarm him strongly. Even though I had the points many times, I never had the guts to talk up to him.

As he grows Old

Today, I hate seeing him growing old so fast, but I don’t want to play hide and seek with him anymore. Straight to straight, when I feel like giving him a call, I know he is always there.

My daughter loves him more than I do, of course! Still, first my dad, then your grandfather, I tell her! She knows no compromise, just like my dad, so she calls him appa-thaatha which translates to Father-Grandfather!

I see a lot of my father in my husband, that is when I started viewing my father from a different perspective! Maybe that is when I started seeing him as a protective father too.

My parents are travel fanatics and find every opportunity to travel somewhere, anywhere. Lockdown has been difficult on them than it is on me.

My father took to technology so well that he uses them REALLY well, almost all the time. I find it atrocious, but somehow he needs a way to kill time too. When asked he argues that he sits with his phone only after spending time with the dogs, helping my mom with whatever he can and not compromising any of his daily work for the home and himself. Well, he always makes better points than me!

I am Thankful, Grateful and Blessed to have this MAN in my life! The first hero and forever hero to me! I have never wished Father’s Day as much as Mother’s Day. So, this year all I want to tell you is that I love you and you are the best father.

Happy Father’s Day, Appa!

My dad Loves me and that’s all that really matters is a dedication to my dad.

ProjectTGB helps me thank the people whose impact I have understood in my life after so many years.

If you’d like to join me in thanking your community, use the #ProjectTGB and thank your people!

P.S: While I was searching to post a photo of my dad and me, I noticed that my daughter had occupied more photos than my sister now. I used to be jealous of my sister being close with my dad and all that. Now, I am just happy I still have a good photo with him like these two. Even though they have 10, I have 2 good ones with these two already there in the photos!!

About Jayanthy Govindarajan

I share the reflections of my mind here as a mommy blogger. I share my parenting experiences and life experiences with gratitude.

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2 Comments on “My Dad Loves Me, That’s All that Matters!”

  1. I could relate so much to this post Jayanthy; yes I could never understand my dad too, as he was not a good communicator, and he never expressed his feelings openly, but i do have memories of him appreciating and affirming me whenever he wanted to…. i always loved my mom more than my dad, as I always used to think my mom has done more for me than my dad. But today I realize that my dad too has been generous, kind and hardworking, if he had not supported my mom, I would not have reached college and would not accomplish anything. As I grow older I realize the value of silence, hard work, faith, courage, commitment and generosity which my dad had… am grateful and truly blessed. Thanks for evoking these feelings of gratitude in my heart today.

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