Inside Out: In the Times of Corona

Corona news in the 2020 was all about something happening somewhere around the globe. The pandemic had given so much scare and fear last year. The thought that something could happen to one amongst us was the major fear that kept me grounded last year.

Learning to deal with things Inside out has been my thing, but I have mixed feelings for many things for a few years now.

My friends have lost some people very close to their hearts last year. When 2021 started, we all prayed this year will help us heal the losses and be a safer one.

However, in 2021, the severity of this pandemic has risen to a whole new level. From unknown faces in unknown places, it has now reached to faces we know and have met in our everyday lives.

Both my parents were tested positive before a couple of months. When I was shown the video of the hospital room they stayed in and how they were treated as patients, I almost wanted to sue the hospital. It made me think that this whole thing was merely a moneymaking scheme.

I passed on their test results to a few friends and a couple of friends asked their doctor friends to check the result. Only then I was convinced both of them had a moderate lung infection. However, all of them told that this is serious only if they are tested positive.

With my sister and brother-in-law doing the needful, I complained a lot about not being able to be there to do better. It took me a while to stop complaining and thank them for their help. By God’s grace, they had come back home safe in a week, but was recovering extremely slowly for their age.

After a Week

A week later, a good friend’s relative passed away due to oxygen supply not being available in government hospital. From then on, I have been hearing deaths of many people I personally know. At that moment, the rage inside me just settled and I became grateful that my parents were alive.

People aged between 30-40 years are the most I have heard. I couldn’t do much, but send out a prayer to their families to cope up with the loss. Honestly, I couldn’t pray like a brave soul – to give them the strength to lead their lives and all that. When I think about many losses that has happened, it is unfair.

They could have done their share of small mistakes during this period. Like going out somewhere that has caused them to be tested positive. I am sorry about that, but losing their life at the age of 30 or 35 is something that I cannot bear.

I know few senior citizens who passed away after being tested positive. Without a doubt, that’s also unfair. Here, I am not talking about the age, but the value of the person to their family. The irreplaceable loss, the way to accept this loss, the way to heal this one.

Many people have lost their husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, brothers or sisters. Most of these people are good friends, who were loved and cherished by their family.

That One Death

A couple of days back, I heard a news from my father that made me feel completely lost. I know this girl from my childhood days. She is the only daughter of my father’s good friend. My daughter and her twins must be the same age now. Her husband was tested positive and passed away due to a cardiac arrest.

When my father told me this, I had to ask him a couple of times, if he was talking about the right person. He narrated the whole story to me in complete shock. He even told me that he couldn’t cope up with this news from the time he heard it.

I had to really send out a prayer to give my parents some courage to share their sadness and fear during these times. After all, who is not scared about such news. I am. I also pray to share my listening ear to those who need me.

When I think of my friend, I imagine her sitting quietly not knowing what to talk. She might tend to her kids and talk to her parents, still something inside her is crushed. When I think of her, I feel lost. All I want to do is, hug her and cry with her. This is a loss that I have no words for.

The Present Moment

Her loss just made me feel that it is possible to happen to anyone. That very thought makes me focus on the present moment. It is a difficult time for everyone. We have all lost someone close to us.

I know very well that I am not even close to being really kind. Situations like these make me choose kindness and be helpful in small ways. I appreciate that small change in me. That’s exactly what I am looking forward to this year in me. I did not choose a particular word for this year, but I think it will be to choose kind.

We all go through a lot of healing. I am not the most-friendly person to listen to someone who shares their piece of sadness or pain on repeat. I have always tried to cheer them up by showing them there are so many things in life to be happy about. To just listen and let them dwell in their pain and sadness until they have healed is also a major help.

I am deeply thinking about listening to someone’s pain, just listen. To be able to accept that fear, pain and sadness form a major part of people’s life is the most difficult part. I wish I have the courage to listen to those who share their pains and fears with me. To listen without judging them for their sensitivities about their life or them as a person.

Inside Out

This movie has given me so much insight about my own emotions. I can talk so much about it. However, I have written how it has helped me become aware of my emotions in my other blog.

I don’t usually recommend much because I am not a significant consumer. For the first time in a very long time, I am blown by a movie and that’s Inside out, a Disney picture.

I watched the movie again yesterday night with my daughter. She enjoys the movie too, but for now she just understands the emotions and the colours they denote and that’s enough for me.

For most of my life I have never honoured my sensitivities. I have heard many say that I feel too much or I think too much. My common feeling was like Sadness most of the time, I messed up!

From then, I tried to be like Joy, to always focus on the brighter side every time. Anyone who is sad all the time gave me a fright. This movie has opened up so much of blocks inside me. There is a long way to go, still, there is something inside me that just opened.

It could be my own sadness and fears that I have started listening to. Also, it is about making up my mind to just listen to someone’s sadness without arguing or convincing them that it is not sadness at all.

If someone chooses to share something with me, I am learning just to lend a ear. I am slowly learning that listening to sadness is the source of all joy!