One step at a time

Riya was in Love. Undoubtedly, in Love. She was not willing to accept it to anyone. She was not willing it accept it herself. She tried to push away the thoughts and emotions that made her smile once again wholeheartedly. Truly, removing the guilt she was carrying for sometime after her first break-up. Yes, it had hurt her parents more than it hurt her. She made up her MIND not to involve in relationships for as long as she can, but her HEART believed that she is yet to find the guy she could truly love. It could be arranged too but not definitely LOVE.
Her days passed, she moved away from everyone she knew and put herself through train journeys to start over instead of battling past thoughts with long bus rides. She wanted to escape the past ghosts as it was too much for herself to keep thinking the same thoughts which now stood invalid and stripped off her family’s happiness and belief completely. She stood alone but she knew she was a free soul now. She was surprised to find she still had confidence left in her. But guilt never left her side when she saw her parents. She knew they were equally worried about her. She planned to close this chapter once and for all.
2 months journey by train was ahead of her. She had planned her journeys alone. Her parents never accepted her plan and said it was madness to wander alone this way. She said she really need this time for herself as bus was causing her immense trouble. They tried arguing with her as long as they can, but she just assured them she would come home at the earliest she can only if she takes the train. They complied to her surprise. God was kind enough to show her a couple of colleagues, Ram and Nandu with whom she had very minimal contact before. She knew it was not going to lead anywhere anyway but she would know information and some basic help in stations and train. She was finally smiling in a week’s time with these two people cracking the most silliest jokes and in-numerous dialogues just in time which was completely not her style. She was fond of watching movies but these two were walking movie databases. She believed most of their dialogues were self-made for the precise moment and appreciate both of them for it, only to find them grinning back at her, telling her how ignorant she was about the movie world. She would just smile and answer yes, as her style was different when it came to movies.
By the end of a month, her life was filling up with nice moments and she was not ready to look at her past with same eyes. She just let go of it and thought it was completely over. That thought gave her some happiness, reminding her she was a free bird now. That was all she wanted. Ram and Nandu had become good friends of Riya. They were sharing details about their up-coming short film with her and she was keen on listening about their idea. Her time passed this way. Sharing her thoughts with them, working, home, relatives and friends. Back to form and busy once again with HER life. She has finally started talking to herself too, something she used to do when she needs to take a decision. She realized she really needed to break-up only after that self-talk and that time she spent for herself to get a clear view.

Her brother’s marriage was in a month’s time and she had great plans along with her cousins. She was looking for every opportunity to move out of the cage. Sometimes when the opportunity came, she would know the answer outright, but doubts and fear would cage her bringing her to a halt once again. She realized she has not healed completely of her past wounds. She still needed confidence in her thoughts as well. One such opportunity knocked her down again. She really thought she would mourn for it longer than expected. But..

About Jayanthy Govindarajan

I share the reflections of my mind here as a mommy blogger. I share my parenting experiences and life experiences with gratitude.

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