This year, my writing will be different than my previous years, I felt it the moment I saw this quote. A calm entered me as there were so many questions in my mind about why I write. I used to wonder that I am not doing anything different from the rest of the world and we all have same lives. I also had a lot of my presumptions about why I write, why should I write and what writing does to me.
Joan’s quote hit me hard. I don’t write because I want others to appreciate me or praise me. I just share the reflections of my mind in this space. This is my space where I listen to myself. An understanding of myself, my life and everything around me starts here.
There are so many moments in my life where I have felt alone. This space has been my truest companion. During those moments, I did not once think who will read what I write or how many comments I will get on my blog. To be honest, during those moments, I only felt the need to share my thoughts, to understand them, to reflect upon it.
While I landed on Social Media, a lot changed. I wanted to promote my blog, wanted more readers, wanted to be a prime writer, but nothing materialized. I spent a crucial amount out of my pocket to just make it shine. Today I am glad it did not work.
Even though I had so much to write about, I had to think a lot before I put it down in this space. Will my post be on the first page on Google, what about my SEO? What topic will help me get more views? Gradually, I lost the interest to write what I wanted to. I always felt that I was missing something crucial. Maybe I did spend enough time on the blog everyday, maybe I am not working on my writing skills, maybe I am not good enough.
The comparison, the feel to do more because others were doing a lot was really burning me out. I wasn’t understanding my own space. I didn’t once wanted to stop and take a reality check of myself and my life. Since I couldn’t accept my reality, I tried competing with it to prove it wrong.
When I started this blog, I never thought once before writing something. I never had an audience. Not that I do now, but I am not worried anymore. The truth lies in my experiences, in sharing them in the space which is special to me. If that helps someone, then I am happy. If not, still, it helps me go through my own experiences.
Writing has made me accept my imperfect self. The failures, the pain, the arrogance, the stupidity, the silliness, and craziness – just the way it is. How incapable I am in a few things to how I have managed to learn a few things, it has helped me view me just like that.
When I read my older posts, there is so much about myself and my life that I am thankful for today. Nothing has given me this level of joy than the chance to go back and cherish the memories of yesterday. The good, bad and the ugly – every one of it.
When this constant question of “what I wish I could have changed in my life?” pops up, I see how each and every incident in my life has changed me and made me who I am today. So, this put off the regret and makes me feel peaceful.
I used to hold so many fears, they did not vanish overnight. Writing has helped me heal in many ways, it still continues to do and will forever help me. It helps me evaluate so many rights and wrongs in my life. There will be so many changes in my life today and in the coming years, but I will have this forever friend who will guide me through all of it.
Writing has given me peace, it has made me express my anger, it has made me let go of hatred, forgive myself, forgive others, understand myself and others, so much more. 2022 will be a year in which my writing will mean so much to me.
Here’s me wishing you all a Happy New Year and a wonderful year of writing!