1. For surviving 2022 and recovering post miscarriage. The beginning of last year, I hoped I would get up and walk back to good health. When sick, the only thing that was in my mind is giving it the time to heal and getting back up. I am glad I made time / was given the time to heal.
   
2. When you feel hopeless, there will be at least that one person who still showers that love and sees you through it. I am blessed to have a doting family and friends who were constantly asking me about my recovery. The one question asked by my daughter literally made me cry. However, it also wanted me to get up and get walking – Amma, are you going to be sick for long? Are you going to be like this forever? It scared my whole being.
   
3. If someone helps you, never overburden them and make it feel like you deserve it every single time. I learned to appreciate the help I received while I needed it. I was being cared for really well, 2 months of uncomplaining help by the husband, thankful and blessed is the feeling. I did not want to make it feel like a LUXURY. There is a thin line between actual help becoming a demand. I am constantly trying to become aware not to cross the line. I’ve slipped, but I try not to get up again without overcriticizing it.
   
4. If family was one thing that helped me heal, I am forever thankful for the job interview that I cleared at the end of 2021. Right by the time I was about to join, I asked for a change of my joining date. I felt embarrassed to ask for help. However, they understood and changed my DOJ without asking any questions.
   
5. Re-joining work has given me a source of confidence that I never knew was still there in me. I was quite apprehensive if I had it in me to go ahead with a job now. Even though I decided that I would try a job when my daughter turned 5, I was scared I might not be up for it. Though my option was not IT initially due to the usual piece of mind people offered me, I decided to go ahead and do what I know. It has not just given me peace in the intellectual sense, but it has also made me accept that I really love it.
   
6. There were friends who asked me how I am after the miscarriage, but I’ve always swept away the conversation by saying not much. Either I ended up saying, it’s only a Copper-T pregnancy, nothing to worry or it was not much to worry about. Sorry and thanks a lot to all who cared, but it is just me. I was not taking it down really well. I was worried that I might talk or lean too much on your shoulders and cry out loud. I did not want to upset or be a burden and talk about my troubles all the time.
   
7. A lot of last year went by in shifting focus towards bettering myself. Even though I talk myself out that I cannot please everyone and that is okay, there is this person in me, who is hellbent sometimes to please someone I really like. That bit of appreciation from them really counts. It always goes in me overdoing or me trying to be the perfect person that I am not. So, I am trying to accept that and move on. I will always like them, but I hope to learn how to have a conversation.
   
8. Though my partner and I never get to spend enough time as we would like to, we are grateful to be together. We were glad to go on trips, we have learned to make time to do the things we love, cook together, listen to whatever we can together and discuss everything. We value each other’s space and that’s really helped a lot.
   
9. Our trip to India was eventful, cherished and emotional. First feeling is, yay, we made it post-covid, managed to visit some family and friends we love. We loved getting drenched in the sun and I loved the heat. It was so nice and the feeling is HOME feeling. However, my daughter was finding it difficult to manage, it was extreme on her. Still, I’m glad that she did her best and enjoyed playing with her friends. Loved the trip, quick trip, nostalgic trip, had a rollercoaster of emotions, but finally happy to be back home. Chennai is HOME, but Coventry is my Home now, both are equally important now.
   
10. Glad to have a few amazing friends here with whom we could travel together, get together and laugh as well as discuss how we feel. Forever thankful for friends who jumped in to help and have been kind enough to my daughter and offered to help during my work days and her summer holidays. Not just helpful, but not once demanding or made me feel like I must do something in return.
    
11. My daughter’s first dance performance on stage happened in 2022. We enjoyed watching what a ballet show in the theatre and it felt fascinating. It also taught me what showing up means to her. The sports day at school, performing at nativity, parents meet at school, and others. Visiting the kids’ school gives me a nice feeling, and often reminds me of my own. I am a regular, but glad her dad showed up every time too.
    
12. The School Mum Tribe has been such a helpful and inspiring group of mums. It is really nice to have them around. Knowing the kids in her class and their mums has helped me ask them a lot of queries and also share moments with them. Children getting to join each other’s birthday party, looking out for each other at school, caring for each other, it’s really nice.
    
13. One of my learnings has been to let go and try to remain calm, because everything happens only in it’s own time. You push it with all your might, but it doesn’t move even an inch, but when the time comes it happens. However, I am learning that being prepared helps, because it is clear that one day what you are looking forward to, will happen.
    
14. Am I better than yesterday, better than last year are the questions that I constantly ask myself now. Be it as a parent, as a wife, as a daughter, as a sister, as a learner, as a person. Striving to be good as a person is a constant work in progress stuff. I used to be frustrated often before, but slowly I am trying to become aware of the things that frustrates me often. I am a work in progress and will always be and that gives me peace.
    
15. If there’s one person I love deeply, it is my grandmother, she’s about 85+, but that doesn’t stop her from having strong opinions about everything. I love to talk to her even though we disagree a lot. I am glad that she’s recovering and trying to do her things by herself even during these times. Her independence amazes me and pushes me to just stand up and get things done when I don’t feel like it.
    
16. For a good sense of humour, and the ability to laugh at the smallest and silliest jokes. My daughter has a weird kind of laugh sometimes and she does it when she is mad on us or extremely happy. It’s her mood sensing laugh, that’s one time, I cannot stop laughing out loud. At times, she joins me in and those bouts of laughter is something that I love. There’s this silly joke that initially made me feel angry, but to look at it from a child’s reasoning, I tried to take it light, and then I told her tell this to my dad and you’re going to see his other side. The joke goes like this,
    
    5-yr-old: What’s your name? (whispered the first time, you must say mum)
    Me: OKay (whispered), Mum
    5-yr-old: (touches the nose) what’s this?
    Me: Nose
    5-year-old: (draws a circle in the air) (whispers, you must say: nothing)
    Me: Nothing
    5-year-old: Mum knows nothing.
    Me: WTH
    After a slight bit, after that realization, oh yeah that’s right isn’t it of sorts, I laughed with her.
    
17. I’ve also been able to find a sense of relief in doing nothing physically, not being productive for a while and doing the emotional dumping alone. I have the chance of having the whole house to myself since I am the only one out of the three of us who works from home. Sometimes when I am emotionally drained, I just sit down and cry or colour or do nothing and it helps me move on to the next thing.
    
18. Thankful for the health of the three of us after each of us going through one main problem at the start of the year. I bled until the end of Jan and a little in Feb due to miscarriage. My husband’s toe finger crushed under a dumbbell in February and he was not that easy person to take care. Our daughter had Chicken Pox in March. It was pretty much a jinxed feeling, but in a way winter is always the period where we rest and recover.
    
19. Having family to lean on in a new country is a blessing. My sister’s(though I need to mention cousin) family has been a constant blessing. Not just helping us, but also guiding us on a lot of the things here. She has been patient with me and super supportive in almost everything. Even though, she’s the one who started the joke on me bringing the COVID lockdown to UK. (lol)
    
20. Handling emotions have not been my feat for years now. Sometimes feeling too many emotions at the same time and not being allowed to feel it or being forced to feel it also causes damage. I’ve had trouble with it, at times I do not know how to handle it with my child as well. It is hard work and varies with time. Reading has constantly made me a better person. Watching a lot of movies with my kid and other movies in general has helped me handle things better. There are so many special children who require so much care, their parents are so simple and strong. I often wonder, why I cannot handle it all. I realized that caring is not just an act you show others, but deeply how you feel yourself. I’ve realized that I’m really vulnerable and that’s alright to show that to my child when it’s needed.
    
21. I’ve not had the best medical support here for all that we went through. I was left to bleed saying it was normal and usual, even though my Hb level came down to less than 3. I am not fond of them, in fact, I am scared of them. The amount of time I was delayed treatment during one of my critical moments made me feel how inefficient a medical system could be. However, it could be that one GP in the place I live in. There could be other places that are really good, but I don’t know about them. Health is wealth they say. I cannot agree more.
    
22. Finally, writing had taken a backseat, but whatever I wrote, I did it with my whole heart. Maybe a lot of outdated posts might come up in 2023, that’s only because I want to push them out of my drafts and make my writing a memory that I want to remember, in the coming years.

Thank you for reading my year that was. Wishing you all a fantastic year ahead.

Critic Me: Funny that you’re posting this almost at the end of the month.
Not so funny me: Well, I managed to complete it only now.
Overthinker Me: Well, maybe I need to edit more.
What-if Me: Old post sort of feeling, maybe others would have it better.
Critic Me: Of course, what were you even thinking.
Cribbing me: nobody will like it.
Philosophical Me: Dude, it’s for you that you are writing, cherish it.

Me: Take a break guys, I’m publishing this right now.

The post Thank You, 2022! appeared first on JAYANTHY'S FREE SPACE.

You’d be surprised to know them as much as I was when I figured what helped me this year. I couldn’t really believe I liked some of these until this year. It’s during sadness and low times that we find great interests that lie deep within us. It’s the happiness within us of finding the unknown, we get the power to accomplish them.

So, here’s a small list of my activities that I enjoyed in 2019.

1. Bullet Journal

If not for my bullet journal this year, I would have felt another year just went by. I tracked so much about everything. About what I could acomplish, what I couldn’t, what I liked about myself, what I didn’t really like about me. I tracked about Ilakkiya’s growth and milestones, her doctor appointments, her first words, her sentences, the little books we got from the library, etc., I tracked my disappointments and my happy moments in this journey. I’ll tell you now that I’d write down things to know what I think about a yearly challenge – can I make it or not?

I learnt about journals this year and have put mine to good use. I was gifted MatrikaS dotted journal by Dimple, my Santa last year and this year I am on cloud nine for receiving TinyChange Journal from Tulika. I’d be forever thankful to her for gifting me a treasure.

2. Writing

There was too much chaos at the beginning of 2019. What helped me get it all out and go about getting things done was writing. Some of my posts stated my emotional turmoil so clearly that my blogger friends came forward to help me, I am thankful for these souls. I realized acceptance and the process of healing can do that to us. Though I couldn’t bottle my emotions anymore, I also didn’t feel the need to. I needed the courage to cross that line to write about the not-so-shiny things about my life and I am happy to share my thoughts here.

I managed 32 posts this year and I am happy that writing was something I could always fall back on.

3. Reading

What this year did to me was bring in some brilliant choices of books. I’d be forever thankful to Shailaja V for introducing Atomic Habits by James Clear to the entire blogging circle. I think back to that book every single day. I read some good collection this year, even though I didn’t complete my reading goal. It is good that I managed 15 books this year and I enjoyed most of it.

I started with

• Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare.
• The Wrong child by Patricia Kay
• The Call of the Wild by Jack London
• Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
• Deep Work by Cal Newport
• The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Annie Barrows and Mary Ann Shaffer
• Atomic Habits by James Clear
• When Strangers Meet by K. Hari Kumar
• Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine by Gail Honeyman
• You Beneath my Skin by Damayanti Biswas
• The Courage to be Disliked by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi
• Ikigai by Hèctor Garcia and Francesc Miralles
• Man Friday by Sundari Venkatraman
• Unexpectedly Mine by Stephanie Rowe
• The Bestseller she wrote by Ravi Subramaniam
• The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

4. Doodling/ Step by Step Drawing

Funny, right? I cannot draw a straight line or a circle. I am not a free hand drawing person. Somehow I always thought I missed a good part of art because I cannot draw. I let it be. I never expected that my daughter will enjoy to draw. Luckily she takes it from my mom, grandmother, sister and mother-in-law. Thanks to step by step drawing tutorials. I can appreciate myself for taking the effort to learn the skill.

My husband and I had a great time this year learning this skill. He learned to draw bicycles and swings, while I learned to draw better Monkeys among other animals.What I appreciate more is, my daughter is learning to draw with me. Earlier I couldn’t convince her with my animals. She’d look at me wondering isn’t that a dog, but you’re saying it’s a wolf. I’d say both look alike( atleast to me)

5. Binge Watch/Movies

For almost two years, I have only watched 2-3 movies. Even with Netflix and Amazon Prime membership, I had hardly watched anything. This year I watched so much. I watched 20 movies and 4 series in a span of 100 days. This finally happened when the husband realized what it’s like to have the little one tagging along all the time. So, when father and daughter started spending time together, this movie marathon was possible for me.

6. Travel

This was the best year when it came to travel. The year started with a trip to the Queen of Hills – Ooty and ended with the Seven Hills – Tirupathi. ☺️ Though I couldn’t visit everything I had set on my list this year I managed to visit some places as a good start.

I was mad about England for long, I still am. Finally when we traveled there, it was like a dream come true. London will always be close to my heart. I wish a long stay there, keeping fingers crossed, so I get to explore more of it and it is a place I cherish.

In 2018, Bangalore trip was special and in 2019 it is our stay in London.

7. Parenting

Don’t laugh. Isn’t it a full-time thing? So to enjoy parenting is actually to enjoy the time I spend with my daughter. It’s not always possible to spend quality time with my daughter. When we spend time together, it’s really like two girls discussing everything under the sun. In reality, I don’t let her stay under the sun for long. If I feel blessed for just one thing in my life, it would be my daughter. I’m amazed at how fast she is growing and yes, I want to hug her many times nowadays. I’m fond of her so much, I could just sit and watch everything she does without telling a word. Well, I’m not a OCD parent, but something tells me my daughter will be one. Let’s see.

P.S. How many times did you literally change 2018 to 2019? Oh yes, I guess I almost did it every time in this post. ? Jet speed 2019, I’m still lurking in 2018 waiting to welcome 2019 ?

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I am sure wherever you are, you are definitely doing good in all afterlives. It’s two decades since we lost you to Mouth Cancer. I have seen you at your best and worst times. I didn’t know much about your sickness while you lived, but learnt and heard a lot about it after your death. Missing a person makes us hold on to even the tiniest details about them.

When Appa called me to remind me of your death anniversary, I had to stop and ask him again. No, don’t think I have become busy to forget it. I just had this usual confusion of it being on April 16, I don’t really know why I do this. I know you think it was better I forgot it. I really wish it had not happened so early after all, so let at least this minor confusion occupy my mind.

Aren’t you the best grandparent I ever had? Ammama is great, but got to know more of her only after you passed away. There’s so much I miss about you. Actually, I miss everything about you. All the times together, how much time you’ve sincerely spent with me is valuable to me now. All those times you kept me engaged in the pre-phone era makes me wonder how short tempered I am now.

I am thinking about how you sneaked into the kitchen to get us small portions of atta to make pooris in the kitchen set you customised just for us. I still remember how ammama and you bought this small kadai to make our pooris. You lighted camphor and kept the mud stove so we really cooked. You made sure we used it only when you were around. I dare not touch any of that without you. How many times Karthi and I have troubled you to drink our version of hot water as almost every food. Patience was the key, I understand it just now, as I write this.

I know you would agree I was lesser evil. Karthi just brought the roof down. I still remember how she used to literally lie down on the road and cry when you denied her chocolates. I have not seen you scold her even for that. Probably you must have done that a lot within you or maybe you just enjoyed her tantrums. Though Karthi got to spend lesser time than me, I am sure she would agree with me that you were the best we had. You took care of us and respected us for just being us. Mom gave me a pen that you gifted for my 10th exams. That’s the one I used in my 10th. And yes, if not for Karthi, I would have saved it even now. Yes, she broke it in the name of writing with it. Anyway, we know that’s exactly what she does. That’s how she broke the pen Ammu aunty gave me too. She hasn’t changed much on that front, luckily now she just keeps to breaking her own things. Well, I don’t lend her things that are important to me and there isn’t much now anyway.

Every time you came to drop us back at home, you stitched beautifully for us, you worked on the watches for hours in silence, you took me for your morning walks with your friends and let me play in the ground while you spent time with your friends. You kept us engaged at home, you let us play with neighbors and resolved all our tiffs without being partial, you read out stories to me, you saved some of the best books for me. I still wish I had saved the cassette you carefully recorded for us. I used to listen to it all the time during summer holidays. I miss the cassette player. You taught me to play cards, but I would always lose. You told me to focus on how to play and not just on losing the game.

Thaatha, you once scolded me for not concentrating on my reading. You told amma that my mind is scattered and always wandering. When you told that in front of me, I really thought you didn’t like me. It took me years to understand what you said was true and it took me a great deal to focus. Trust me, I am still working on it on many areas, but if not for you then, I would have noticed my own signs pretty late. I am forever thankful to you for that. I was lucky to work on it from my school days, even though I felt hurt then, today I am feeling blessed to have started it way back in time. Still, I have so much to conquer on focus, but I am glad where I am today.

I miss you thaatha. I have a little one now and I am glad that I have Ammama for her. The love Ammama shows for Ilakkiya is pure and unconditional, something I can’t really show to my own kid unless she is fast asleep. Ammama is our blessing, even with all the flaws of old age. She is the great-grandmother I want Ilakkiya to remember forever. Ilakkiya did not get a chance to see you or her paternal great-grandparents. Ammama is fondly called as Aaya by her and she manages to tell her name too, Saroji (aroji).

I have so much to write about you, but I have saved something we found while clearing the house. Amma is clearly an artist and she took it from you and Karthi follows Amma. I can’t even draw a straight line and your art piece is something I hold close to my heart now. It warms my heart whenever I feel lonely or sad and I know I have a guardian angel watching over me and will guide me at all times. I am not sharing the art pieces now, instead I am sharing a lovely photo here.

I miss you, thaatha. I know I will forever. ?

Yours,

Priya

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Life is incredible. I realize it now as my days are being spent alone. Though I love the people around me,there is something missing from my world. I miss my hubby a lot and I am trying to keep myself busy to stay away from drowning in a pool of self-pity.

? This week we had a wedding in the family that took my mind off loneliess. I got busy dressing up and enjoyed the process. I am really not the one who loves to dress up. I really don’t know why. I am unlearning that idea and focusing on relearning it. I love to focus on small details finally. I am changing and I love the process.

? Glad to have my phone back, but I am determined to handle it with care. Strictly, for phone calls and immediate responses only. Shifting most Social Media work to my Tablet. I hope this works.

? There is water scarcity around me. I cannot help but try and use very little. I am washing a load daily and I am glad it has helped reduce the amount of water consumed by my washing machine. It sure takes time, but that’s one of my most important tasks for everyday. Somehow I love washing clothes when baby girl accompanies me. It doesn’t look like a chore.

? Until last week, my yelling and cursing had reduced significantly. I made a small change in my bullet journal. Instead of the usual No Yelling and No cursing tasks, I made a minor change. I wrote Yelling and Cursing as tasks. This way when I remembered my task, I felt the need to keep it low. I think this is called reverse psychology. ?
? I learnt how to make a 30 Day Insta Grid with Shailajav and I feel so much better about my Instagram update now.

?️ Somehow my phone’s battery this week. I was sad and I had no idea what went wrong. A friend’s timely help saved me from taking it to the service center. He helped me with a new charger. Without knowing this, I accepted my husband’s gift. Yes, it was a gift from the husband which I denied earlier, but agreed to accept once my phone showed no signs of life. So glad for being able to recover photos from it and also to write in it.

?️ Water scarcity has hit Chennai. It is really difficult to manage for everyday chores. However, I am constantly reminded of ways I could reuse and save water. I am also trying to view videos and read up on the same. We all need to work on making things better by using lesser resources.

?️ After ages, my husband and I are having early morning conversations and it helps me wake up early.

?️ An automatic collage in Google photos reminded me how quick Ilakkiya is growing up. The journey is amazing and makes me love her more. I feel like I am opening up more with myself through her.

How was your week? I would love to know!

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? Gratitude isn’t appreciating the fancy things, it is about feeling intrinsically thankful for the good and the bad in our lives. Sure it isn’t easy. To me, it was a tough choice many times. Today I feel different after realizing this.

? Most days I am thankful for being able to run the chores at home and taking care of things that is needed just then.

? This week, I am particularly interested in praying for all those moms and dads who single parent their children. I am currently in that situation since hubby is away at work, but to do that everyday for years, you are brave souls. I pray you find great partners(in case you are looking for one) or do what you do bravely that you look back at your life feeling accomplished.

? The last two weeks have been fun, tiring and fulfilling in ways I didn’t expect. I returned from my Ooty Trip this week and all I could think was about the night’s sleep on my bed. By morning I was fresh and we sat and talked about the lovely times. I was thrilled about the pictures and immediately went to print the pictures.

? Thanks to mobiles, we all have an alarming list that is difficult to fulfill in a day. I managed to sort 110 pictures and the tech guy at Konica labs managed to sort them, align them and print them for me in 3 hours. I felt that was great and thanked him for his efficient work.

? I am trying to incorporate the Power of 3 in my daily life. It is about accomplishing 3 tasks in a day. Though we have 100’s of other tasks to take care of, these 3 will make your day. I am glad to make it happen on some days and on others I am not loosing my cool and moving them to the next day without guilt. After all, when I wake up the next day I have something to look forward to right!

? I always focus on using less water, but this week’s a little tough. I am finding ways to use lesser water. I wish to find ways to use water efficiently.

? I was gifted a small diary by my mom since I am a valuable / repeat customer of hers. I decided to use it as my gratitude journal. It comes handy and I love writing in it. It is definitely not fancy, it is the normal yearly diary, but it has what I need!!

? Ilakkiya had an amazing time in Ooty aka Queen of Hill stations, I wish I can write a separate post about the trip.

? Finally made time to write this post!! It has been a week since I wrote something on the blog.

? To those of you who noticed, the blog is undergoing changes and finally moved to a new home. Thankful to wonderful friends who are taking this effort to help me.

? February is here and so is the planning on my bullet journal. I love it!!

That’s it folks!! How are you doing this week?

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I wondered why I write these gratitude journals every week! Though it is only the second week of January and my second entry, the drab mood for 2 days made me think so much. That was enough to pull me into this melancholic mood. When I decided to maintain a bullet journal this year, I wasn’t sure of many plans for the year, still I wanted to work on one. A place where I plan the month, the weeks and my days in it. My journal became my blessing in disguise that I live in it nowadays. I am tracking some of my habits too.

January 2019

My journal is one of the reasons I am writing this post here and will do it for the next 50 weeks too!  I dedicated a page on the journal for my blog posts and had these entries written on the ideas page. A book in any form is a best friend to a warrior, a lonely heart, a busy parent and serves as a motivation to me when I really want to spend my time well.

Image Courtesy: Google

Image courtesy: Google

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November was the festive month that brought so much light and followed by it were some dull moments. This month changed my thinking. It is in this month that I learnt what it really means to listen to my surroundings, myself and others. To get to the better part of the month, think Diwali. I loved the festive season and this time it was simple for obvious reasons. This month was simple and unexpected in many ways that it taught me so much. Let me dive in to the month for tough times teach me to be more grateful.

Image Courtesy

Ilakkiya

One reason why I love my days and somehow manage to run around all the time, is because of my baby girl. Last year this time she was 7 months and celebrated her First Diwali. This Diwali, she is making noises and tries to say ‘Pattas’ (crackers) in Thamizh when she hears one. She enjoyed her Diwali sweets as breakfast for three days in a row and I let her enjoy them. Well, she agrees to brush her teeth morning and night even though she is just biting her brush at the moment. Now my baby girl is  officially 18 months old. I wonder how it would be when she turns 18 years!! 😉

Ilakkiya is brushing on her own and funnily she is also teaching us how to brush! Well, she also calls out to her fur friends to come down and eat their food. I wish she follows that herself! 😉 Slowly her babbles are changing into meaningful words and she enjoys telling her Thamizh Alphabets and sits down like she writes them. As much as I am enjoying the show, I cannot stop laughing at the expressions she makes as she does it. A month and so much memories. I can’t stop thinking how these little ones grow so quick even as I throw up tantrums about her making my day hectic and almost impossible.

I am delighted to see so many happy moments this November. How was your November?

Linking with Vidya Sury for her #GratitudeCircleBlogHop.

Join us!

The post November Gratitude 2018 appeared first on JAYANTHY'S FREE SPACE.

Travel and Friends

Bangalore Days!

So, once again I can say that October was such a lovely month that I can cherish the coming months just by its memories. You all must be deeply busy in November already, so let me catch up with your Octobers now.

Joining Vidya Sury’s Gratitude Circle.

The post My Kind of October #GratitudeCircleBloghop appeared first on JAYANTHY'S FREE SPACE.

September

Image Courtesy: Google

Family

Ilakkiya

Writing

Reading

Parenting

Work

Gratitude App

I am excited about the Gratitude Pie App by Upasna. It is an interesting app where we can list our daily gratitude and it forms a lovely pie. I have been a part of Upasna’s gratitude pie circle and I am so happy to see that her dream has come true through this app. You can download it from Play Store for Android. I am bad at drawing circles, this app makes things simple.

The post September Gratitude #GratitudeCircleBloghop appeared first on JAYANTHY'S FREE SPACE.

Ilakkiya:

What better celebration can I have than a 15 month old turning the house upside-down? Ilakkiya has started to run around and she has decided to burn down every single calorie. She has started to repeat single words and she loves imitating every single person. We also had our first fight this month. I am planning to write about it in a letter to her. She also did the regular phone conversation imitation using my phone with her cute babbles. She is slowly becoming daddy’s girl and trust me, I love it because I get the free time. Maybe, I will think differently as she grows. She is having an awesome week with her maternal grandparents and that’s the main reason I am writing this post early. Ilakkiya loves to dance and drum. She loves the guitar too. The most crucial change for me on her schedule is that her naps changed from 2 to 1. So more power to her to run down the house and more power to me to keep my calm!

Parenting:

Her 15 month vaccine happened early this week. I was surprised to see the little one crying only as the doctor inserted the injection in her thighs. Earlier, she used to cry immediately when I hold her hands, but this time she was curious in observing the madness around her and cried when she felt the pain. Weight gain is a issue in some kids. Even if they eat a elephant some kids will only look like an ant, maybe a big black ant! That’s all. I am bombarded with questions on her weight for almost 6 months now. So after being asked 1000 questions every single day for the last 5 to 6 months now about her weight gain issues, I have finally found out an answer for the most concerned outsiders. I am glad this brings more peace to me and I don’t really have to push my daughter anymore too. I just stick to plain simple truth. I just remind people that every child is different and chubiness doesn’t mean a child is healthy. Though I would love to see my child chubby too, I must remember none of us were chubby! Half of parenting falls into the category of answering unknowns about my child. I have a strong, healthy and sweet kiddo, this is all that matters to me!

Celebrations:

August is the month of celebrations. My sister completed a decade of her married life and she had come home this year. We had a wonderful time at our once-upon-a-time ancestral house, which is now reconstructed, but the good thing is my aunts stay there, so we still call it our grandma’s home. We had a nice lunch and chatted sometime. However, we sisters cherish this month more because we shopped, we had nice long conversations, laughed till our tummy ached and gossiped like we always do. Ilakkiya enjoyed with her aunts and grandmothers since all uncles are away at work.

T and I completed our second anniversary and this year it is all the more special. Last year, I was at mom’s since the baby was just 3 months old. This year we spent it together and it is more special because you will know it as you read on. (Well, don’t let your mind wander).

My in-laws completed their 41 years together and still they fight and talk again like they are newly married. At times, old couples are fun to watch. Wait till I post about my parents. Their wedding day is in 2 days and my sister and I are beyond excited about the celebrations. It is their 32nd and I love their silly fights. My sister and I always make the best audience. Well, we have learnt to become good audience now.

Sharing the wedding month with my parents and in-laws makes me realize how different we all are as couples and yet similar on many fronts.

Writing:

I loved sharing Much Love Monday stories on my blog this month. I wrote for 2 weeks and felt that’s the way I wanted to share. I wanted to share two stories a month going forward. I must make changes to the disclaimer I made for the same. I loved sharing those stories and I am also excited to ask about “How’s your Monday?” to many now. I feel better listening to their stories and this has opened a new dimension to the otherwise talkative me.

I also signed up for MyFriendAlexa campaign this month. This is my first season with them, I am excited as well as nervous about how it is going to be. With September filled with an array of festivals, I know it is going to be challenging. I watched one part of Blogchatter’s session on Facebook and I still have 3/4th to go, but that answered few of my questions. Especially the one on what I must be prepared for. So with Vasantha’s endearing words and always helping attitude, I know I will find my way next month.

Work:

I am a failure. I took a couple of projects and gave my best work and my best deal. They just turned up saying inaccurate work. I felt that I was being cheated instead of feeling like a failure. Yes, I trust my work and I know when I give my best. I have learned from my mistakes to always give the best work. I do just that. I called myself a failure because I just didn’t know to identify a fraudster from a genuine person. This month taught me an important lesson on the work front. I found what I love to work on and also my weaknesses. I love to write articles, edit and proofread them. I also found out that I sound desperate when I ask too much details instead of curious to know about the job. I am not sure how to work on it though. I need to know the details before I work, that’s how it works right?

Somehow in almost 3 years of freelancing, I found “Too many options, too little knowledge” being the base of many fraud happening in this field. No one is ready to get the complete details of the work before they take it in their hand and I am called silly for asking those details. Anyway, I feel I have grime all over me already that I need to bathe and start fresh.

Love & Relationships:

This! This is where I want to cry this month. I cried and cried for a week that I have no more tears. No, it is not something really serious. It is just that the Husband is on travel and I need to stay away from him. Though my logical mind clearly says, he is just out on work and this is what we wanted before and I have so much of work to finish here before I travel with him, I just couldn’t hold back my tears. We cried a little together and that made us feel better. Ilakkiya misses her father already, I never expected this. Still, she sees her father’s photo in our room and points him out to me. I decided a change of place might be good for both of us and came to Mom’s. We feel better and though as I type this, my eyes are filling up and my throat is blocked, I know I will eventually be okay.

I love my family for all the support and all that. Yes, both sides, actually all sides. It’s just the missing part that I cannot really bear. I don’t want him to miss out on her growing up. These are crucial years and I hope we travel soon. Though we decided this method to work on our commitments, we also decided to wait it out for 6 months. 180 days look better than 6 months, no? Anyway, I am glad to take up challenges on the personal front and with life in general to keep myself productive(seriously, not busy – this won’t get me anywhere) so I finish what I set out for and travel to set up our cocoon.

I know this will be the best challenge in my life to parent singlehandedly, also manage the house and myself. I just wish I find the courage, strength, patience and kindness to handle myself well, so I handle others in the same way.

Journal:

This is my everything. Though I didn’t journal much this month, I have started the 180 day project to journal just about everything, No judgement there. For once, I am okay to open up to my journal, to keep my sanity in check. I am okay to give a vent to my feelings and give them a way out when necessary. Life isn’t going to be a bed of roses anymore, probably it never was, now I just see it with eyes wide open. Thanks to my journal for bearing it all.

Books & Reading:

I was in tears when I finished “A man called Ove”. I haven’t reviewed a book it, because I am good at recommending them, but not reviewing them. I am bad at giving glimpses without the spoilers. However, this book is different. I could just come up only with this small poem as an ode to the author and Ove.

I laughed uncontrollably that people wondered what I read,
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I was nearing the end,
I was scared to bits when you fell on the snow that night,
I couldn’t deny that you were the only grumpy man I loved to know more about.

I am currently reading Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In for Graduates. I found a similar one in Shailaja’s recommends. My father has a great collection in his book shelves. He has always bought books, read them, recommended them to us and finally, left it in his shelves. I didn’t know about them earlier, but now I love each one of them. I have a big TBR list and told him I will take two or three and return them before I take the next list.

My August was awesome, even with all the glitches. I am looking forward to a Splendid September with Blogchatter and MyFriendAlexa campaign.

How was your August? I would love to know about it!

Linking with Vidya’s GratitudeCircleBlogHop

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