Learning to deal with things Inside out has been my thing, but I have mixed feelings for many things for a few years now.

My friends have lost some people very close to their hearts last year. When 2021 started, we all prayed this year will help us heal the losses and be a safer one.

However, in 2021, the severity of this pandemic has risen to a whole new level. From unknown faces in unknown places, it has now reached to faces we know and have met in our everyday lives.

Both my parents were tested positive before a couple of months. When I was shown the video of the hospital room they stayed in and how they were treated as patients, I almost wanted to sue the hospital. It made me think that this whole thing was merely a moneymaking scheme.

I passed on their test results to a few friends and a couple of friends asked their doctor friends to check the result. Only then I was convinced both of them had a moderate lung infection. However, all of them told that this is serious only if they are tested positive.

With my sister and brother-in-law doing the needful, I complained a lot about not being able to be there to do better. It took me a while to stop complaining and thank them for their help. By God’s grace, they had come back home safe in a week, but was recovering extremely slowly for their age.

After a Week

A week later, a good friend’s relative passed away due to oxygen supply not being available in government hospital. From then on, I have been hearing deaths of many people I personally know. At that moment, the rage inside me just settled and I became grateful that my parents were alive.

People aged between 30-40 years are the most I have heard. I couldn’t do much, but send out a prayer to their families to cope up with the loss. Honestly, I couldn’t pray like a brave soul – to give them the strength to lead their lives and all that. When I think about many losses that has happened, it is unfair.

They could have done their share of small mistakes during this period. Like going out somewhere that has caused them to be tested positive. I am sorry about that, but losing their life at the age of 30 or 35 is something that I cannot bear.

I know few senior citizens who passed away after being tested positive. Without a doubt, that’s also unfair. Here, I am not talking about the age, but the value of the person to their family. The irreplaceable loss, the way to accept this loss, the way to heal this one.

Many people have lost their husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, brothers or sisters. Most of these people are good friends, who were loved and cherished by their family.

That One Death

A couple of days back, I heard a news from my father that made me feel completely lost. I know this girl from my childhood days. She is the only daughter of my father’s good friend. My daughter and her twins must be the same age now. Her husband was tested positive and passed away due to a cardiac arrest.

When my father told me this, I had to ask him a couple of times, if he was talking about the right person. He narrated the whole story to me in complete shock. He even told me that he couldn’t cope up with this news from the time he heard it.

I had to really send out a prayer to give my parents some courage to share their sadness and fear during these times. After all, who is not scared about such news. I am. I also pray to share my listening ear to those who need me.

When I think of my friend, I imagine her sitting quietly not knowing what to talk. She might tend to her kids and talk to her parents, still something inside her is crushed. When I think of her, I feel lost. All I want to do is, hug her and cry with her. This is a loss that I have no words for.

The Present Moment

Her loss just made me feel that it is possible to happen to anyone. That very thought makes me focus on the present moment. It is a difficult time for everyone. We have all lost someone close to us.

I know very well that I am not even close to being really kind. Situations like these make me choose kindness and be helpful in small ways. I appreciate that small change in me. That’s exactly what I am looking forward to this year in me. I did not choose a particular word for this year, but I think it will be to choose kind.

We all go through a lot of healing. I am not the most-friendly person to listen to someone who shares their piece of sadness or pain on repeat. I have always tried to cheer them up by showing them there are so many things in life to be happy about. To just listen and let them dwell in their pain and sadness until they have healed is also a major help.

I am deeply thinking about listening to someone’s pain, just listen. To be able to accept that fear, pain and sadness form a major part of people’s life is the most difficult part. I wish I have the courage to listen to those who share their pains and fears with me. To listen without judging them for their sensitivities about their life or them as a person.

Inside Out

This movie has given me so much insight about my own emotions. I can talk so much about it. However, I have written how it has helped me become aware of my emotions in my other blog.

I don’t usually recommend much because I am not a significant consumer. For the first time in a very long time, I am blown by a movie and that’s Inside out, a Disney picture.

I watched the movie again yesterday night with my daughter. She enjoys the movie too, but for now she just understands the emotions and the colours they denote and that’s enough for me.

For most of my life I have never honoured my sensitivities. I have heard many say that I feel too much or I think too much. My common feeling was like Sadness most of the time, I messed up!

From then, I tried to be like Joy, to always focus on the brighter side every time. Anyone who is sad all the time gave me a fright. This movie has opened up so much of blocks inside me. There is a long way to go, still, there is something inside me that just opened.

It could be my own sadness and fears that I have started listening to. Also, it is about making up my mind to just listen to someone’s sadness without arguing or convincing them that it is not sadness at all.

If someone chooses to share something with me, I am learning just to lend a ear. I am slowly learning that listening to sadness is the source of all joy!

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My uncle’s death was very sudden and it still churns my stomach when I think about those moments. Though it still looks like it all happened just a year before, it is already 7 years. It changed a lot about my family. It changed my dad and made him insecure. Losing his cousin brother made him guilty, angry and sad. It’s only after death we feel deeply about the chances we missed. My father became very unapproachable and he was treading on fear that anything can happen anytime to anyone. Life by the end of 2012 was troublesome.

4 years after that, life slowly turned from being miserable to manageable. In December 2015, Chennai streets were flooded overnight due to ineffective planning. I still remember waking up to water everywhere. There was so much chaos everywhere, though that’s the moment we found peace as a family. That was the time we all sat down and spent time together. Those 4 days will be etched in my memory beautifully. We spoke a lot to each other and switched off the denial mode that surrounded us otherwise. We had a lovely little stray dog who had come a week before the floods and she became my companion. I call her my savior. She changed my life and made my father finally cry and gain the peace he had lost years before.

A lovely companion who kept me busy for 4 months after I quit my job. I looked after her day and night. I argued and even fought with anyone who wanted to send her to a pet house/shop. We named her Jhansi because she had a warrior look on her face. She was a warrior. She taught me to buck up and be brave. She looked fragile, but there was a strength in her that anyone can see. I have a detailed post about her here.If you wish to know about this darling, read the post. You will fall in love with her. I cried and cried with no strength left to bother about anything. I dwelled in silence and my parents understood and let me be.

I quit my job in January 2016 and spent full time with the pets at home. Also, this was the time my school dearie S and I became close. We spent so much time talking with each other and made so many plans that never worked out anyway. Still, we spoke a lot, whenever we had the chance. We created chances to talk. Maybe that’s how it works. I missed her dearly after training at Infosys, but failed to keep in touch. Here we were talking like there were no yesterday’s and no tomorrow’s. I didn’t want to miss any more time. I didn’t want anything to end, come on, we just started all over again. The thing is, we never know when anything actually ends.

We spoke about our lives. What went wrong for us, what is going good for us, what is keeping us strong, what is making us cry! She was such a strong soul. She was going through a storm, still one would never guess that if they talk with her. The heartiest woman I personally knew. I don’t think I am even 10% of what she was. I am not putting myself down, but openly accepting the fact that I have to learn to smile during adverse times. We all have demons inside us, but only some of us fight it everyday and fly high. She was that devil who woke up everyday and faced her illness bravely. Even a day before she passed away she laughed and conversed with someone dear to her. She longed for conversations that kept her going. We all do, right?

When I came to know that she passed away through my school group, just a week after our last conversation, I asked the girls to cross-check. I told them it was impossible that it’ll be her. What came back made me cry.

She suffered so much right before she died. She didn’t deserve a life like that. I know her. She needed the peace. She had had enough. Though I miss her, she needed that peace. Rest in Peace, my dear, for you will always be in my heart.

I realized when I saw a quote just before a couple of days. If there was something I could be to keep her with me, is stay cheerful always, for life is short, but it’s only you who can make it sweet.

If you have lost someone you hold dear, you will realize it is their kindness that made them special. Be that! Be Kind! I have a lot to show on that. I wish I have a more kind heart and the ability to understand without judging. This is what I wish for myself this year.

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We all make mistakes,
We all have our own reasons for it,
We all can make mistakes,
If we are willing to learn from it.

Life is learning right from wrong,
As we take each step and move on,
Every relationship is a beautiful song,
When understood we know we belong.

At times, you maybe right,
And I maybe wrong,
It would take us time to get along,
Silence and pain will make us strong.

It hurts to blame each other,
To blow it up out of cover,
Something that could be resolved,
If we stopped judging one another.

I wish we speak no words,
Since we speak only of hurt,
Not once of the moments that matter,
When we all walked together.

Complaints can bring trouble,
It broke the little bubble,
we held so close,
That we look at each other like foes.

I wish things change again,
We all need this pain,
To cleanse our minds and hearts,
So things don’t go in vain.

The post The Little Bubble appeared first on JAYANTHY'S FREE SPACE.

Image courtesy: Google

Image Courtesy: Google

Image Courtesy: Google

Image Courtesy: Google

The post The Value of Pain appeared first on JAYANTHY'S FREE SPACE.

A recent incident made me feel depressed.
In a little time after that, when I was tired of thinking too much and finally decided to let go, a funny thought related to it crossed my mind. My best relaxing time is while I shower. Most truths are acknowledged through jokes, they say, this situation was one such for me as stated in the below quote.

So, what’s your take on your question paper? Which one did you enjoy writing then? Are you able to relate to this in life? Did your exams leave a footprint in your life?

Image courtesy

This post is for Friday Reflections with Corinne and Shalini.

The post My Life as a Question Paper. appeared first on JAYANTHY'S FREE SPACE.

I had a very interesting conversation with my Mom. It was our during one of our daily talks this topic came out of nowhere. We laughed and laughed at the conversation we had. I must say this is one of the most cherished conversation we had. I imagined my mother and how she spent her days when we were kids. To my surprise, I hardly noticed her then, it was very much about me. All I knew was Mom makes food and hears all I talk.

This conversation made me realize that Mom really listened to all my after-school talks and knew me much better than I thought. Anyway, coming back to the Monday Musings, I asked her just out of the blue, What was her Monday like when we were kids and what she honestly thought about it. She laughed and then she spoke to me with so much memories. She shared her experience happily with me.

All in her words:

“Most Mondays were scary. You know, at times I even used to get a head ache. I must pack you guys before 8AM and prepare breakfast for the family(joint- too big family) on time. Lunch followed immediately. I also had to take care of the household chores back to back.

Eating also became a chore most times. I used to like the laid back weekends better then. Though you guys were at home, you only troubled me being a slow-eater. Otherwise, there wasn’t much trouble. And yes, you used to blow my ears with your entire school story. Though I liked it, at times it used to be so long that it never ended.

Even though I listened to you all the time, you complained that I never listened to you. And your sister complained that I always listened to you. Hardly neither of you were interested in what I wanted to tell, but I never complained.

Mondays became a bit challenging once I started working. I wasn’t initially able to cope up with work and home. I concentrated more on home initially. I felt I wasn’t ready to go to work. It took me a lot of courage to finally decide to take work seriously. I assigned tasks to both of you who I considered my only support then.

However, you guys were not supportive for a while. You guys didn’t oblige immediately, but started helping until it became a routine for you. As grown ups you have understood me a lot better. Also, you obliged because I bought you tasty snacks in the evening.

Now, after almost 20 years of working, I feel Mondays are a great day to start the week fresh. I plan ahead and have learned to sort out work at home and not worry about it. Well, I also learned to let things be and gave the freedom of take it or leave it. I love Mondays because now I know I need that fresh air to start all over again without losing hope.”

My mother is an Insurance Consultant with LIC and Star Health. She is an amazing person who has helped many people get insured. Right from the aunty who sells flowers, to house maids to the person who sells bananas, tender coconuts she has helped them get insured and followed through till the amount matures. I never understood her job earlier. Today I am grateful for her job and how she considers this as her service to community.

Much Love Monday is a series I am hosting in my blog about how each of us look at Mondays. This will be hosted every Monday in this blog. You can share your experience about your Monday or an experience worth sharing on Monday in your blog. You can add this badge to your post and comment here so we can follow each other’s posts.



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October was a month full of lessons worth this whole year. I am glad to finally write the Gratitude Circle post hosted by Vidya Sury. Last month was a heavy dosage of a lot of things. Fever tops the list. Do read on to know more about the other things that happened and how I let go of anger!

The first week of October brought my first change for the season. I moved back to my mother-in-law’s place. The comforting 5-month period at Amma’s place is over. Even though I was a bit moody, it was gratitude that made me see it’s positive side. It wasn’t mere 3-months, but 5-months.  Thankful because by the time I shifted here, my little one slept through most of the night. 

How Comparison Can Let Frustrations Build Quickly:

The first two weeks at home was totally hectic. I wasn’t able to do much except chores followed by chores. I thought how relaxed I had been at Amma‘s place. Right after month 3, Amma made sure I handled Ilakkiya’s and my tasks. She made sure I started with the little ones like boiling water for myself and folding Ilakkiya’s clothes. At Amma’s place, I had Ammama (maternal grandmother), Appa and sister, doing the tasks for me. I had so much time, I used to read and write and at times when the little one sleeps, we used to even sit down and watch a full movie together.

At mother-in-law’s place, there were more chores to handle. I was fully occupied only with Ilakkiya’s and mine. For a start, I wasn’t really able to focus on cooking schedules. Forget the rest of home management. I complained so much this whole month. There were arguments and long silences. I felt annoyed most of the time, even though my family never expected much from me. I guess that was more frustrating for me. I felt incapable. Instead of accepting what I could do and let it be, I complained about what I couldn’t and blamed others for causing my frustration. With my little one around, I had set too many rules in the house which very clearly stated I didn’t trust anyone. 

#Day31 #100DaysofPoetry #Complaint #yqbaba #time Follow my writings on @YourQuote.in #yourquote #quote #stories #qotd #quoteoftheday #wordporn #quotestagram #wordswag #wordsofwisdom #inspirationalquotes #writeaway #thoughts #poetry #instawriters #writersofinstagram #writersofig #writersofindia #igwriters #igwritersclub

A post shared by Jayanthy G (@jayanthygovindarajan) on Oct 3, 2017 at 6:27am PDT

If I am thankful for one thing this month, it’s the fever. I realized many things during the full rest period. Sometimes it is breaks like these that shows what life is like.

On the whole, October is the birthday month of my loved one and one gift I can truly give him back is a thankful smile for giving me a nice family.



You can read my Gratitude post for September here!

The post How Gratitude has Changed the Anger in Me This October #GratitudeCircleBloghop appeared first on JAYANTHY'S FREE SPACE.

Comfort vs Courage

#writebravely #writetribeproblogger

Join us at WriteTribe

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I am taking part in The Write Tribe Problogger October 2017 Blogging Challenge

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Linking with Vasantha Vivek’s Linky Party

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